What would you do in this scenario?

Short answer: no. You were asking questions. For you, the admin, to ask her questions in the cbox and then issue a warning about advertising based on said convo is really not okay.

No, if you further encouraged it, it's no way worth drawing attention to it.

It wouldn't be a warning, it would just be a reminder (which...could sort of be the same thing?). I asked maybe three questions in order to get clarification on what the heack they were saying, that was it. I would have to show you the conversation in order to really show why I was asking questions, but even from an outsider's point of view I guess I could still see why it would be bad, based on the conversation, it would still be bad to even remind them of the rule.

I guess because of the fact that I was asking questions for clarification (again, if someone would like to look at the conversation so that you can SEE what was said...), I should let it slide. But if they bring up their site again, then I'll send them a PM about it.

Edit: gah, this is what I get for not refreshing.

I definitely see your point. I'll still PM you the conversation if you still wanna see it, but I think that I'm going to have to let it slide in this case. :| I basically just asked like three brief questions in order to clarify what the heack they're in charge of on the other site and better understand EXACTLY what it was they were about to ditch my site so easily for. I do understand how it could be seen as hypocritical, though, since I did ask those questions.

If you want to PM that conversation to me, I'd be happy to take a look.

Though when someone posts something, people will very often want to know more. I mean if someone just stated: "The answer is 21", you'd probably want to know what that question was. Human curiosity after all. (The question was "What is a perfect score in blackjack".) Some people will naturally use that to their advantage to advertise by talking about their site and try to get others to ask or continue that conversation.
Now, even if you're an admin you can still get caught up in asking questions. If not only for curiosity, but also because you have ulterior motives too. You may want to have a look at their site yourself, especially if they're spending a lot of time talking about their site or they ditched your site for this one, you may want to see why. And if they returned to your site, you probably want their url so you can check back periodically to make sure they aren't ripping your content/work.
Now, because you did initiate the questions you really shouldn't issue any warnings. (Perhaps a friendly reminder that fishing for questions/interest or excessive talking about another site are both not acceptable practices on your site if they start doing it again. If they don't bring their site up again though then no worries. )

Though I concur with ohMERLIN, definitely put a kibosh on any attempts to recruit staff from your site.

EXACTLY. I asked questions for one reason: to try and find out exactly why Member was originally ditching our site. I found out that Member had also posted an advertisement in the ads section for the site, and I went and looked. I'll avoid saying much more in this thread, but it just...makes me laugh. I had no other reason behind asking the questions outside of finding out exactly WHY Member was originally ditching us, and having a better understanding of the position they were promoted to.

Definitely going to keep an eye on things and make sure Member doesn't try recruiting others (outside of the ad they already posted). It's not in the same genre as our site, and I don't really think anyone's going to be interested in it and definitely won't choose it over our site, based on what I saw of the site.

I just sent both of you, @ohMERLIN ! and @VirusZero PMs.

Seriously, that's the most frustrating thing. Member's threads are all open, they have players WANTING to post with them, and they just up and ditch those members at the moment they get promoted on a brand new site? It's a low blow to the people who've been threading with Member, and they don't deserve it. But as you guys have said, when they start to not thread with Member or answer Member's requests regarding characters, maybe Member will get the hint and realize what they've done.

Member tends to be pretty...ignorant when it comes to things they really shouldn't be ignorant of (though part of that is probably because of their age), so when I say that maybe they'll realize what they've done and grow up, it's me being hopeful. I think it'll take them a long while before they actually realize the impact their actions had on people in such a small amount of time.

Well, I wouldn't warn someone for leaving my site and returning, regardless if they were abandoning a new staff role or some other such thing at another site. People are technically free to come and go as they please; many people jump ship when they want to, and leave their partners hanging. Staff would be a mess if they jumped on everyone who did this.

If the person comes back shortly after declaring 'I'm going to play in this other sandbox kthnxbai ', I wouldn't say a thing until they drop out again- and return.

This is so useful! I didn't know that was a form of advertisement! I can ban this person that's bugging me from talking about their sites in the c-box now! I was letting them get away with huge blabbers about the site (I'm talking the first thing they do is talk about what's happening on the site, how fun it is, who their character is, what it looks like, ect) because I thought it was just a nuisance, not advertising! Yay!

Sorry, I'm not quite understanding what the problem is. Why should a person be warned for wanting to leave a site? Whether or not you were personally offended by that, did it break some sort of rule on your forum? If not, then why should they be warned for saying they were going to leave, other than the fact that it left you (and the other staff members) offended?

From what I can deduct, said member was not staff, therefore there was real no obligation for them to stay. Members come and go all the time; some even come back after months of inactivity. In my opinion, it is definitely unreasonable to warn them for wanting to leave. It's not a holding centre/prison.

I can maybe understand warning them about announcing their leave in the cbox, if it was said in a rude, or passive-aggressive manner that made others feel uncomfortable, because I've heard of that being done. I'm just failing to see how a person deserves to be warned on account of leaving.

Edit: Just editing to add, that at least they had the balls to tell everyone that they weren't going to be around anymore. Some people just vanish into thin air without so much as an absence, or goodbye note, and it really leaves the rest of the forum wondering.

Edit #2: To me, it sounds like the cbox conversation (that you want to send a reminder and/or warning for) went something like this:

Member: I'm just here to say that I'm going to be leaving the site.

You: May I ask why?

Member: I recently got promoted to admin on another site, and am going to be very busy.


If it went something like that, then I think it's rather unreasonable and unfair to issue a warning. For what? Answering a question? I apologise if that wasn't how the conversation went (I won't know without details), but that was what I understood.

The reason I was wanting to warn them was not because they wanted to leave the site, but because they were leaving the site so easily just because they were made staff at another site, even though they had open threads and people they were playing with at my site would have been left hanging. They did it without thinking it through very well.

And no, the cbox conversation did not go like that at all. What happened was this:

1. Member comes into the cbox and leaves a message saying they're leaving. That's it. No official post, no PM to any of the staff members, nothing. They just assumed that we would see the message (which, since it was slow in the cbox, we did) instead of using the absences section like they're supposed to.
2. Not a few hours later, member comes into the cbox and says that they're back.

Queue me getting very angry at the fact that they were so willing to ditch our site just because they were promoted to staff on a board that's brand new and there are five non-staff members on.

3. Next day, Member comes into the cbox talking about the site they're now staff of, not really advertising. I ask a few questions in order to better understand what it was they were so willing to abandon my site for, but that's it.

4. Things go back to normal. Member is still a member, hasn't been warned (yet, but most likely will be- we're still discussing it) for not posting in the absences section to officially notify us that Member was leaving, which would have been the nice thing to do since they were about ready to leave players hanging. None of the threads Member is in were/are dead.

So as of right now, no warning for ditching and then coming back is going to be given unless it happens again.

I didn't say I was still going to warn Member for ditching the site, as much as I wanted to- I was just explaining what happened because the person I quoted seemed to have been misunderstanding what happened.

I also should say, since I forgot to, that when I got "very angry," I definitely did not get angry ON MEMBER- meaning that any anger was directed into a staff thread or elsewhere, and Member never saw me getting angry them for ditching.

No, it won't be an actual warning (sorry, I think when I last replied, I worded part of it wrong and used the word "warning" even though I only intend to just say "hey, post in the absence thread next time"). The only reason I haven't sent any sort of a message to Member about posting in the cbox yet is because the staff discussion regarding this hasn't really come to a conclusion regarding the issue. Though you're right, it probably is too late at this point to really get away with saying anything about them not posting in the absences section.

I'll wait and see if Member does anything like ditch the site and come back. Hopefully they won't, but it won't surprise me if they do, just because of a various amount of other factors.

I agree with what several others have said already.

I've read all of this thread, and honestly, it seems like the staff members who wanted to warn were more upset about this member ditching your site than anything else. Maybe I'm wrong, I wasn't there, but that's how this whole scenario reads to me. I'm not saying this to be mean, I'm just giving you how this whole thread came across to me. It came across more outraged that they would leave your site for a substantially smaller one, and less that you were upset that they didn't post in the absence thread or they were leaving people hanging. I even understand that, I know it sucks when someone takes off because they found a site they like better, it hurts, but it's not warn worthy. I've been part of sites where my RP partner just randomly vanishes and yeah it sucks, but it's not the end of the world, you move on, get another thread going, and if that person comes back, you learn not to rely on them to RP with you.

While, sure, you could warn them for not posting in the absence thread, I really do think it's just going to cause even more knickers to twist. Honestly, it might be best for you to just let it go. I get it, you were really upset that they were going to ditch so quickly, but it's not worth the aggravation it's caused. Just keep your eye on them, if they disappear again for any extended amount of time without an absence thread, then warn them, but the situation you've presented here I do not see as warn-worthy.

How do you know they left "easily"? How do you know what they were actually thinking at the time? It might seem like it was "easily", or whatnot, but all is not as it appears to be. They may have actually over-expected the activity on the site they were promoted at, and assumed they would not have enough time; then later realised that that wasn't the case. You can't give a warning for something you don't know for sure. And even if it was, as you say, "easily", I still think it's something rather petty to be warned over.

lol I just saw that Merlin said the same thing.

They left your site. It happens. Whether or not it was posted in the absence area or not, at least you got told. A lot of people don't even afford that courtesy. As for them having left so easily, if it had been so easy, then why bother coming back if they had already said they were gone? In all honesty, to me anyway, it sounds like you took this way more personally than you needed to. As for the talking in the cbox about their site, I have to actually put that on you. Because you had such a hard time with the 'break up', you effectively brought it to the public forum by asking the questions. I'm sorry, but I want to leave a site, all I have to do is tell you I'm leaving. It's not really any of your business why. But that could just be my thoughts on that.

Chances are if you're saying things went fairly well, they aren't going well with Member, there are signs of trouble and you just want to believe things are going well because we all want things to go well with our members and we don't want to have to deal with problems. Problems popping up this early mean they aren't going to go away and the longer you wait for them to go away the more they won't go away. This person is not compatible with your forum and whoa, look, there she is causing drama only days in. It should have been deal with after #2, but by the time you reached #6 look there it's a full blown forum wide problem because a brat took advantage of you the well meaning and optimistic admin and kind forum members. The forum's become her playground just like she wanted because she was allowed to do it. She comes, she goes, she has fun causing a scene both ways.

Ban her.