Returning from Long Absences...Is it REALLY possible or just start a new?

Okay, so, this is a new experience for me as a member, but I was hoping someone with a little more experience might be able to shed some light on it.

I recently returned from an absence of about four months to a RP site because of IRL issues, some relating to health and fairly serious. The players said it was fine, take my time...the usual. I, by no means, expected the site to pause while I sorted life out, but, when I came back, there has been a hurdle beyond just general catch-up. Something to the point that I am wondering if I should just find another site and start from scratch.

Here's the situation: I have been back for a few weeks now. I am getting the "busy" excuse from almost all the players, and, any time I suggest or respond to a plot idea, get deflected with suggestions of possible other characters (who is run by another player) who could play it. I understand some of them are actually busy on-site or IRL, but this pattern is happening with nearly everyone on the site...Two have claimed to have too many threads on the go, only to start up two new ones with each other a couple hours later! The only people who seem willing to RP with me are the ones who have joined in my absence. The others, including the admins, seem to be scared to touch my characters, like they are some sort of leppers, lest I leave again.

So, I guess my big question is for anyone who might have been in the situation before: Is this just a bump in the road that should be waited out a little longer, or is it better to just leave and find a new site? Is it really possible to re-join after a long absence successfully or is it an RP urban myth, so to speak? When I joined, I really enjoyed this site, the community, and the general setting and plot, so I am not looking for an excuse to leave...I just don't want to waste my time if it is not going to get better, or, at least have some warning, if it is going to get worse before it does start going up.

As a note, just because people started up new threads doesn't automatically mean they weren't busy. I have a slew of plot related threads I need to get up for all of my characters, to the point where I might tell someone I was busy and then go end and open new threads because those were already in the plan well before you came back.

Have you put up an open one or joined a group thread?

Have you considered that the characters you played before might not fit into the storylines people are doing now and that it may take some time for things to morph back your way? Have you thought about picking up a wanted character of someone else and getting back into the groove that way, rather than maybe forcing your old characters or plots on people who have always been active?

Just my thoughts. <3

If you genuinely like the site and the community, stick around. Of course people are leery that you'll drop off the face of the earth again: you did it once, didn't you? People disappear all the time from RP sites, and in my experience, if it's happened once... it tends to happen again. That's probably what's going through their heads, as well. Why should they start up plots with you, when they're expecting a kick in the gut for their troubles? Especially at this time of year, when many people are strapped for time because of the American school year starting back up.

If you're well and truly back from your absence, and not going anywhere ever again: prove it. Stick around, and get threading. I'd suggest plotting with newer members, who are more likely to be open to threading ideas. That'll make you some new RPing buddies, too. The oldies will warm back up to you soon, especially as those of them that are in school re-adjust to the work load, and start having more free time. I've seen it happen a million times (...or a few dozen, whichever). Point is: if the site's a keeper, then stick with it.

We just had a member rejoin after a 3 month absence. Granted, people are a bit wary of threading with her, but that's mainly because her characters tend to hold very dramatic lives, and need to be kept track of. She's finding threads, and people who knew her before are threading with her.

I would answer thread requests, post to open threads, make open threads, make my own thread request, and just keep going until they join in. That tends to work.

As the others said, I would suggest some humble pie. Yes, your absence wasn't your fault but they don't know that - did you tell them before? Did you keep them updated in any way? They can't know that it's not just a story and you can't expect them to immediately understand that your absence was health related and that you will stick around this time. Don't expect them to. I would suggest you adjust your attitude knowing that you have to make up for something, no matter whether it was your fault or not.

Like @Kajouka said, new threads don't equal not busy. Yes, for one because they might have been planned before or are necessary in the timeline to come immediately, or just because between rp-buddies, a thread that you know will be fun and easy can be squeezed in more simply than one with a returning member where you aren't quite sure where this is going. And quite honestly, there is no such thing as the right to be threaded with. Maybe they genuinely don't want to right now because their storylines went on or because they had to find reasons for character's absences and it doesn't really fit right now. There could be a lot of reasons.

If you genuinely feel like getting back into their good graces is more work than starting from scratch I would probably leave but good rp's aren't that easy to find, really. And, of course, in disappearing again you would be proving them right, which is a bit of a self-perpetuating circle. Give it a few weeks, don't expect them to do anything and start small. Like the others said, post open threads, be nice and apologetic in the cbox and chat with newbies.

MEEP. Going through the same thing! It's so stressful :/

I would have to agree that, regardless of the reason, being gone for four months would make me wary to roleplay with someone. If you really do think the site is worth it, stick it out. Thread with the new people. Slap up some plot ideas you might have, put out some open threads, reply to some open threads. Just being back a couple of days or weeks isn't going to make it seem like the four months never happened. It does suck being gone from a long absence. I had to do it when I didn't have internet for nearly year, but whenever I got near a computer, I updated them and popped on long enough to let them know I was still alive. Unfortunately during that time period the site closed down. But as much as you might like the site, if you really do feel that frozen out that it's no longer fun but stressful, maybe you should look around. Don't just up and leave, but look around for another rp to get involved with while you are working on gaining their trust back. If you can handle more than one that is. Then go from there.

Yep. Just stick it out and play with whoever will play with you. When they feel that you're not going to abandon ship again, they'll likely drop the act and thread like normal.

~~To clarify to everyone, if I choose to leave the current site, I would not just disappear, but write the staff at least explaining why and give them a chance to reply.~~

@Kajouka: As for an open thread, there are none available in the character's location (we have three cities which people can reside). I will be keeping my eye out for them. Thanks for the tip.
I would be hesitant to take on another character from the wanted list. If the problem lies with my absence rather than my characters, it would be a lot of work and time put in to have another character added to the pile no one will play with...compounding the situation. I will take a look through the requests regardless, and maybe something will pop out on a plot request.

@Tomatina: Thanks for letting me know I am not the only one going through this.

@stainsofblue: I did update them while I was away, and, while not going into great detail about it, also let them know it was for a health reason. I know I have to make up for lost time, and have been trying - reading new accepted character bios, going through the archived and current threads to catch up on events while I am gone, and even updating up own character histories to bring them up to present...
Despite efforts OOC, which I have let people know I have been doing, my feelings of frustration and stress are coming from no one from the older group, including the staff, letting me prove that I want to make up for it on the forum IC being just a bump in the road now or if it continues down the road (since it has been going on for three weeks and there has not been sign of any change from my perspective at least...it's like a limbo feeling). That is why I am seeking advice in this decision, and I do appreciate your insights. Still, limbo is not a fun place to be for extended periods, and suck a great deal of fun out of RPing, which is what has me considering options. >.<

@cypherrae: I like the idea of finding a second site. The other one I was on, like your internet ones, closed during my absence (Hey, it happens.), so I might have the time to run a character on someplace else. It may help even out the stress if this is just a bump in the road.

@xexes: My concerns are whether they are going to drop it. I do greatly appreciate the encouragement. Thanks.

Start your own then and see if someone takes the initiative to jump in = )

As for the wanted characters, yes it can be time, but if I'm a player (especially as you said there are new players who have been playing with you) and someone picks up a character I've needed for the plot, I'm not going to ignore them because they were gone a few months. I might feel like 'what if they drop' but if they are ready to play they plot points I've needed, I'm going to play them while I have someone!

Your other option is to find a new game where you have no reputation and start all over, but that's effort too,and might well be more than just taking a few small steps to integrate yourself back into the mix of the game you've clearly enjoyed.

Yes, it's really possible. I joined a forum in 2007 and was active until sometime mid 2008 and then I kind of drifted. I rejoined in 2010 for a while and then sort of drifted. I have rejoined now, 2012, and am busier than ever. It just depends on the site. In 2010 it didnt work because the forum was slow and now things are picking up and everything is good.

I've had times where I had to take long absences because of an illness and had people not want to thread with me when I came back. That was fine, I understood it was that I was gone for so long. Sure, I updated everyone, but I was still gone. So I threaded with the people who joined while I was gone, or recently joined. Because I did this I got some awesome plots I wouldn't have gotten before, and made a few RP buddies that fit better than some of the older members had. I'm not suggesting you just try and replace everyone, I'm just saying you should be patient. Don't just expect them to thread with you just because you are back now. They might actually be busy, or some might actually honestly be waiting to see if you really are back.

All I'm saying is that if you really like the site, it might be best to stick around, thread with new people, you may find plots you wouldn't have gotten before. If you really feel like it's more hassle than fun, leave.

If you like the site a lot or even love it, stick around. Your activity will help bolster their desire to keep it running. And, as you go on, it's likely they'll ask for staff, and you can volunteer to help things keep going.

You're already back and playing so why not just hang in there until things get unbearable for you?

It is possible. I've had people go absent or just disappear for much longer than that. They can return so long as they are active and consistent when they return.

I think a lot of it would depend on the admin though.