Contraceptives

No, I understand what you're saying if the kid is like, 16 years old. I'm just saying there is an appropriate age to have sex and such (in my view). Think about it: if kids aren't supposed to be going off and having sex at 11, let's say, hypothetically this is what you're trying to prevent, your 11 year old from experimenting with sex, then they're going to have to sneak off or go somewhere they're not supposed to because in your house it obviously wouldn't be allowed. If you find out your kid violated your trust, when you trusted them to make good on their promises, then there are personal boundaries being violated and consequences. The kid is grounded.

If a kid is older, then I think that you should give the contraceptives and safe sex talk...I think 15/16 is an appropriate age for sex and even though you'd prefer your kids not to, they should know what to do if they do it.


But some ages, to me, are not appropriate for sex and I am not sure that I would wanna allow certain ages to be having sex. What I'm saying is, there's a limit, limits should be set and boundaries enforced.

Well, if my kid was 11 and having sex, I'd be worried less about punishing them and more concerned with the idea that they may have been molested/raped/coerced...

There are a ton of 11 year olds having sex with each other that weren't raped or molested where I live. Their parents just don't monitor them and they end up having sex with each other. I'm talking about 11 year olds who had sex with 11 year olds, not sex between an older person and an 11 year, because that's an entirely different issue altogether, as you mentioned, it's more along the lines of rape.

11 year olds can still rape 11 year olds. Not to makes things uncomfortable or anything, but when I was 8/9, I was coerced into sexual acts with a kid a year older than me. (It makes me uncomfortable to say rape with respect to my own situation for a lot of reasons, and I waffle back and forth with how I feel about this issue and haven't completely resolved it, but yeah.) Yeah, kids can have sex at a young age with kids their age, but that doesn't mean it's consensual. Kids don't even know what consent IS at that age. (Hell, many adults don't have a clue, so how would a kid?)

So I'd be more worried about the implications there. I certainly wouldn't be angry with my kid; I would be worried as all hell.

I never said you have to be angry with a child to punish them. Actually, anger isn't really what punishments are about. Punishing a child and setting boundaries is just basic parenting. In your situation I agree it would be inappropriate to punish the child, and since sex is an adult issue, obviously counseling and such would be required to make sure the child hadn't been abused. But, I don't think we should give birth control and condoms to 11 year old's, as parents. It's encouraging inappropriate sexual behavior for their age and I think 11, 12, 13 and possibly 14/15 year olds should be aware of clear expectations that they are not to violate certain things, such as smoke cigarettes, drink alcohol, do recreational illegal drugs, and have sex.


For me it's much more of a 'enforce an appropriate age' to have sex than it is 'ban all sex ever until marriage or they're 18'. I know that people argue that if you tell your kids not to have sex and don't give them condoms and such they'll do it anyway and have consequences...but you could say the same thing about drugs or alcohol, and I certainly don't think parents should be giving their children drugs or alcohol. I also think that maybe 16 isn't the right age for everyone. Parents need to decide at what age their child is mature enough to have sex, it's a personal decision for parents whether they are going to endorse it or not. And even if you're willing to give your child contraceptives and birth control when they do have sex, I think a serious conversation should be had about sex and perhaps discouraging your child with words of wisdom. Accidental pregnancy does happen, STD outbreaks do happen with condoms break, and it would be devastating for any 13 year old to come down with HIV even if they're using protection.

I agree. ^^ I also think that's why discussing sex at a young age is very, very important. I'm not saying hand out condoms to 11-year-olds--kids that young are neither physically nor emotionally capable of handling something like sex. (Which is, again, why I'd be really worried. D8)

But in my case, my parents were always very open about discussing sex, and taught me about it from a young age (I was getting the talks about other people and swimsuit areas from, jeez, as early as 3, maybe earlier, I can't remember back that far). It helped me a lot, and I think in many ways shaped how I approached this stuff. It didn't really prepare me for what happened when I was 8/9 (stuff around this time is really vague and much of it is blocked out completely) because, well...what CAN really prepare you for something like that at any age, something that is largely out of your control? But I do know their openness helped me. Unlike many of my peers, I never formed a shame association when it comes to sex--but neither did that mean I was out there banging everything. I didn't become sexually active until my mid-20s. :B

Really, it just means I was comfortable and not emotionally crippled because the people around me were sex positive and didn't use fear tactics in discussing this stuff. It didn't make me more likely to have sex, it just made me well-equipped for when it ultimately came up.

So many parents seem so squeamish about the idea, and their own squeamishness rubs off on their kids. :\

Exactly. I've see it soooo often in my friends. :\ They grew up in households where you JUST DON'T DISCUSS IT and it hurt them later on. It made them ashamed of it and caused problems. It makes it out into this big, scary thing when it really shouldn't be.

Omg I could write pages and pages about this, but basically I completely agree. I grew up in a household where sex was really normal and so was nudity etc. to some degree (there was a difference between the way my mom treats me to the way she treats my brother which - lol good for him). I remember sex talks such as "dump him if he doesn't go down on you" or "why blow-jobs are anti-feminist" (to which I now hard disagree). But yeah there was never any shame towards the act of sex in general - but there was shame towards certain things and I actually spent years not feeling guilty about the fact that am a very very different kind of feminist than my mother is.

The point I am making is, I am really grateful I grew up that way even if there was an odd kind of disconnect sometimes between my mom and my friends' parents. It really gave me a chance to see different sides. But when parents actively make kids feel bad about their sexuality or curiosity it's the kind of topic that really doesn't sit well with me.
I used to work as a nanny for this family of self-styled former hippies (i mention this because they really should have known better). One day the 7-year old daughter has a classmate over, I was in a different room at first playing with the youngest son. I suddenly hear crying and look up and the father drags the daughty bodily from the bathroom while she pulls up her pants and is crying and starts shouting at her about "how dare they" and "don't they know how wrong this is" and "what the hell is wrong with them?"
In the end it turns out all they did were go to the bathroom together (because they both had to pee) and then stood there simply looking what the other person had between their legs. It couldn't be more harmless and this father shouted at her at the top of his lungs but at the same time didn't explain anything. I could see in her eyes that really had NO idea what they had done and why that was wrong.
And the next week I quit because I couldn't work for that family anymore. There were other reasons but that was the main one, I was so disgusted.

Yes, yes and no.

All schools should have sexual education soon as kids turn 13.
Knowing up front means protecting yourself. We had first sexual education in 5th grade [12 year olds] and it did us good [most of us already knew about sex anyway] and we were given condoms. It doesn't really promote sexual activity since to be honest all of them ended up as weapons in massive water ballow fight after. Just because you show a child a toy doesn't mean they'll even want to play with it. Just because you explain and show what is sex doesn't mean they will try it out right away. True some might but those are the ones that would have anyway and you protect their health by showing them importance of protection.

Sex is not just fun. It also demands responsible and mature behavior which means not only mutual respect of partners but also use of contraceptives in order to protect their health. Sooner they know - the better.

I grew up in a household where sex was a taboo topic. I never got the sex chat, my mother would whisper "Sex" and any other words associated with it. This didn't really have an effect on me, persay. I was taught young and cemented it into my moral set at my own free will to not have sex until after I was married. In my teens years, i gave further reasons, because I didn't want to deal with all the emotional drama that comes with it, didn't want to deal with an unexpected pregnancy (i have my whole life! not dissing teen moms, I know it's possible to still do what you want, it just makes things a lot harder), and possiblity of stds/stis going around o_o

I believe 6-8th grade is a relatively "safe" grade to begin to talk about sex with children. That's the average grade they brought it up, where I was taught (I moved around a lot as a kid because my dad changed jobs, so yeah....). At least make kids aware that if they do choose to have sex, they need to know the possible consequences of it. By high school age, start to let them know about the numbers that come with childhood (average cost of diapers, cribs, toys, feeding them, schooling them, etc...). South park did an amazing parody of teaching sex ed to young kids by scaring them with pics of stds

I don't believe schools should hand out contraceptives like "free candy" like some schools do. To me, that's almost like the school thinks it's acceptable to have their school filled with teenagers who just want sex sex sex and not worry (or have little to no worries) about the consequences.

I think parents should be willing to talk about the whole sex-schmele with their kids and their kids not be afraid to ask about it with their parents.

This. Forgot to mention it.

Though funny story XD I actually gave my mom the sex talk when I was 10. There was a great Italian cartoon series covering everything from sex, how babies were made to homosexuality all presented through a grandmother telling her grandaugther and her firend how it works [I still remember the scene of animated cute sperm waving to egg and swimming to her for a hug lol]. I remember she had a job interview and I made some comment about sex. She called in she'll be late, sat down with mild shock mixed with curiosity on her face and we talked about it [or rather I told her what I learned proudly! she filled in the blanks].

And to add into discussion, while sex should be personal and person should choose when to start with it I think it is very important for girls to be also taught to cherish that right and themselves. Too often for sake of not losing their crush they give in under pressure at young age not because they want it but because they are afraid to lose someone by saying they aren't ready.
I don't take it on myself to judge others but I believe sex shouldn't happen before your 17-18. Not because of taboo but because a woman's body and mind are not ready yet earlier. Yes once upon a time it wasn't strange for women to get pregnant even with 12 or 14 years of age but back then mortality rates were high for both expecting mothers and babies. Sex should be ventured in with responsibility considering there is always a chance [aside STDs] for a pregnancy to happen. Regardless of whether or not one decides to end pregnancy or carry it to term both options carry risks.

I think the way I, myself, am going to run the house "Don't have sex while your living under my roof" or at least until 18+, whichever comes first. I know with many cases of teen mothers, their moms end up raising the baby (or they give the baby to another relative) so they don't have to =/

Agreed 100%

It should be up to the school itself and their Administrative Board to decide in my opinion.

I do think if they teach sex education they ought to at least make contraceptives available to students, through some kind of program. Or if not then they should provide information on where students can get contraceptives easily and anonymously, I think it would lead to more open sexual discussion between teens and their parents and encourage them to be more safe rather than worried about people finding out they're having sex.

No, I think in middle school since the sexually active/pregnancy rates are going up that sexal education ought to be begun early and that something other than just abstinence ought to be the focus.

I have thought about this after I gave birth to my daughter at 19. I went through all the sex ed stuff, but truly I think the best possible contraceptive for teenagers is a kid that they have to take care of. I have absolute faith that my step-kids entering high school next year will not make the jump to be sexually active because of my little monster at home. Although she is adorable I can point to her and tell them that they are absolutely not ready for a baby and if they think that they are then to imagine watching Ali alone and to not ever be done. Yes and I see the little light shine in their eyes that they just got my meaning.

On a personal side note: I love my daughter and if given a chance to go back and be abstinent and not have her, I would flat out refuse it.

Edit: By this I mean that I endorse those child care classes in high school (the ones I actively avoided) and think that at least one should be mandatory. Personally knowing the consequences of what can happen when they have sex is more educational then just talking about it. Maybe also a mandatory volunteer at clinics.

It's kinda weird for me reading about people's experience of sex ed classes because I never really had specific sex ed classes. Our sex education was in year 8 (second year of secondary school in England, so just turning 13) and it was actually a part of science. We had a science textbook which we worked through and one of the chapters was about reproduction etc. It had the normal amount of giggles and such as you'd expect but otherwise it was very educational. I kind of liked that approach because girls had to learn about boys and boys had to learn about girls. It wasn't a case of 'sex is evil' and I think it did cover contraception (this was a while ago now hehe). I think there were a few extra sex ed one off classes over the years but more we were warned about the dangers of playing on train lines/trains and drugs. Drugs was drilled into our head multiple times, but that's another conversation

That was where my main source of information came from regarding sex, however, I got my period very early on. I was 10 and still in primary school, and I had to actually use the staff toliet during my cycle because the children's bathrooms weren't set up with sanity towel bins. My mum had been prepared for this as it seems to be a family thing; both her and my nan were early. So when I got to about the right age she told me to watch out for the obvious and to call her. So I did and that was that; the lesson in womanhood.

I remember another girl starting hers about 4 months later and they introduced me to her as also having started, the poor girl was freaked out. I definitely think that changes in the body at least should be covered from a fairly early age; I mean girls can start their period as young as 8 and at least when I was at school there was no preparation for it at all. I was just lucky that my mum was prepared.

I don't agree that handing out contraception is a bad thing, and I think from a female point of view that as a prospective mother (not pregnant yet but definitely planning to have kids) I would consider it my responsibility to talk to my daughter about the pill. Not as a method of contraception but for medical reasons. It's always irked me how people always assume that teenagers on the pill MUST be having/planning to have sex. There's many other reasons to be on it.

Also, as a Brit I am used to teenagers having sex and I find the controversy of sex and nudity in other countries to be ridiculous. By no means am I saying that extremes like children doing it are ok, etc. I'll always remember the incident during the Super Bowl where so many people were so scandalized at seeing Janet Jackson's boob. I find it quite amusing because here in Britain it's pretty much a right of passage for a boy as young as 12 to buy a tabloid newspaper, such as The Sun, which has a half-naked woman on page 3 every day. I personally believe that the legal age we have of 16 is suitable, I am against having it under that age because I don't feel that a teenager's body has fully matured.