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At what point would you tell them... Go Away!

Discussion in 'Staff & Members' started by Chele, Aug 21, 2012.

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    Chele Writer:odd being that transforms caffeine to books

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    Lets say you have a member, and while the character application isn't amazing, it passes the setting test, which is the main thing you look for.

    Then, only after you've accepted said character, admittedly hoping that the posts are better than the app, you talk to them in the chatbox. Member isn't exactly rude, but they're abrasive and reading back their conversations with others, you see that when someone tells them that they're wrong (on a setting or rules issue,) they keep arguing their point. They're not arguing that the person is wrong that those are the rules, but arguing why 'their way' is better.

    You send them a PM, reminding them of the rules and setting issues that were brought up in the discussion, and they continue their argument of why their way is better with you... you tell them that you appreciate the input, but these are the rules, please follow them.

    Next comes the posts.
    You don't have a 'you must be at a specific level' rule for your site, but even then, the posts are not good.
    They break setting for one thing. - So you send a PM about that asking for edits. Follow another 'my way is better' PM returned to you.
    The character, which was only just on par to begin with is now a 'nobody is better than me' character, bigger/stronger/smarter/more informed than everyone else around them.
    They completely ignore the character's stations within the thread - You have the leader of a group, for example, their character is trying to order them about when it comes to the group, even though they're not even a member.
    They seem to ignore what other characters say and the tone they say it in, or at best case scenario, take it down to it's simplest meaning, the only way that works for THEIR character.

    You send another PM. This time, they just don't reply.

    You notice other members are getting annoyed. They're not talking in the chatbox as often, they are actively smacking this member's character off it's pedestal (or at least trying, the character ignores everything that is not 'you're awesome'.)


    Do you wait for them to break rules, or do you contact the member and tell them 'You're not working out, please go away'?
    Chele, Aug 21, 2012
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    cypherrae I’m like a rare ass pokemon.

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    Honestly, I'd give them one more warning. Either get over themselves or they are gone. Not in those terms of course, but yeah. If you have any kind of rule stating anything about No Mary/Garys, respect the admins/members/rules, and things like that, well he'd be breaking them right? If there are making everyone uncomfortable and people are stopping the talking then he's a bad deal. Even if there is 'rule' that he's technically broken I'd still give him that final warning. Simply because I'd rather lose that one member causing problems where I didn't have any, as opposed to losing a lot of people. You might not have a rule for every little thing, but it's still your site and if you feel it's being threatened so to speak, you have the right to eject. At least in my opinion.
    cypherrae, Aug 21, 2012
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    Spiritwolf99 History Nut

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    So this member is

    • Breaking Setting
    • Making other members less active
    • Causing a massive disruption to the site
    • Making the game less fun for everyone else
    • Ignoring Staff
    • Arguing publicly and driving potential members away by seeing it
    • Wanting their character to have irrational spotlight and everything on them when it doesn't make sense but forces it on them much to other RP'ers detriment
    • McBest at everything IC contradictory to the app with no reason.
    Yeah, IMO break it off.
    Spiritwolf99, Aug 21, 2012
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    Silmara Little Miss Airhead~

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    Spiritwolf hit the head on the nail. I've had past experience with this kind of members, and they are not worth the hassle. Break if off before it causes more damage than it already has.
    Silmara, Aug 21, 2012
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    Sharpiefan I'm not obsessed. I'm just differently fascinated!

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    I think it's got to the point where I'd step in and ask them to leave - if this one guy is making your other members uncomfortable, it would be much better all round if he went. He's arguing things with you so I honestly don't think he's likely to shape up in a hurry - someone who is going to shape up would already be getting their act together after being PM'd by staff over the things you've said you've contacted him about.

    Better one (new) player goes than several (established) players do, right?
    Sharpiefan, Aug 21, 2012
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    Red Writing Moderator

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    I'm a big propagator of IC consequences. The kind of person who generally insists on their own superiority IRL is not often popular. They come off as bossy rude, and annoying. If he breaks the setting continually you should shove it in his face as condescendingly as possible, and when he insists his way is better pull the admin's sandbox card - your board, your rules. For now though. just let him ostracize his character, and in doing that, his plotting opportunities. At one point he'll just leave.
    Red, Aug 21, 2012
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    Lily Lilac I'm really resistant to change, guys....

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    Wow, sounds like someone who was recently on a site I was a member of. They were eventually asked to leave and the site was better for it (though I heard that they told the admin they she should be "grateful" that she the member was "blessing" the site with activity. Oh Lordy).

    I'd give the member a final PM. Shape up or ship out.
    Lily Lilac, Aug 21, 2012
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    Blacksheep28 Member

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    I would have put him on moderation que (am I spelling that right?) so that he can't post until they pass inspection. If he complains, explain why and refuse to budge. If he tries to get around it, ask him to leave the site.
    Blacksheep28, Aug 21, 2012
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    ( SHIVER ) -- does the harlem shake!

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    I like @Blacksheep28 s idea. Give him a final warning, tell him your exact problems without any grey area and try and be as polite as you can about it, let him know that you are willing to help him. Put him on mod queue until he can shape his character the way it needs to be to where it's no longer a thorn in the side of your entire board. If he refuses help, and it sounds like he'd be the type that would, then tell him that he can't stay any longer.

    Hopefully if all works out well he'll shape up and take your help and his character and attitude will be great to have around the board but if all else fails you know that you gave him a final warning and let him know what the consequences of ignoring it would be. No harm, no foul on your part.

    I've played on one of your boards, and for a short why I helped you mod until time got away with me and I had to step away from it all. I know you to be a fair admin and I honestly think you should trust your gut on this one!
    ( SHIVER ), Aug 21, 2012
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    ohMERLIN ! Bravery is by far the kindest word for stupidity..

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    Wow. I would definitely send a PM saying it's my way or the highway. A simple "I don't think our board/setting is right for you, perhaps you'll be happier somewhere else." will suffice. Tell them rules are not up for debate and if they do not agree with them, then they need to find another site to play on.
    ohMERLIN !, Aug 21, 2012
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    Kurai Wibbly-wobbly, timey-wimey

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    I wouldn't exactly tell a member that they need to leave the site, but...I'd give them an ultimatum of sorts. Either shape up, or get out, but this is your final warning before further action is taken. If they're giving you problems still, send them a final warning PM where you explain what they've done wrong (and perhaps how to correct it in the future) and explain that if there's another problem than further action might be taken. Whether this means you suspend them for a few days or ban them permanently, that's up to you. But make sure they know it's their final verbal warning until there's other consequences. Right now they're probably just thinking they can get away with anything and will only get a reprimanding PM in response. If they know there's a chance they could be banned from the site, they might start behaving. It's a slim chance, but still.

    In giving them a final warning though, make sure to remain professional, polite, and open if they have any questions or concerns. In the best situation, they'll shape up and not cause anymore problems. Worse case scenario though? They might argue the PM and continue what they're doing. In that case, you can do whatever you want as far as banning or suspending them because hey, you've already given them the warning.

    And if they were causing problems in threads as well on the board, you could go along with @Blacksheep28's idea and put them in moderation queue. That way you could monitor their posts and approve the post before they can post it. Though, this would really only be effective if their mis-demeanour were occurring on the board. Otherwise, I'd just keep a very close eye on them after you give them their last warning. See if they continue acting up or if they'll quiet down.
    Kurai, Aug 21, 2012
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    Fluff I'm a redhead, a blond, a cat, a dragon

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    As @Spiritwolf99 pointed out this player is actually already breaking (unspoken, living room like) rules including "no rules lawyering", so don't feel guilty for breaking ties and remember you tried, he failed and you are doing it to protect your community.

    This ruleslawyering is actually close to teenager behaviour. This constant arguing is maddening if you are a parent and the only way to stop it is to say "Okay, you don't have to agree, but this is what I want you to do. Take it or leave it as long as you are living under my roof." Expect some slamming of doors.
    Fluff, Aug 21, 2012
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    HEWHOSHALLNOTBENAMED Member

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    On a site I was on once we had a member like that. The "my way is better" perfect character. He ended up getting banned for the same reasons you listed. Other members refused to post with him, other members were constantly sending complaints to the staff. Finally they were banned. Activity picked back up, but it hurt the site as a whole when that person was around.

    Personally, I would send them a final warning. Tell them since they are disrespecting not only your site and your staff, that this is their final warning. The behavior is unacceptable, and perhaps your site is not a good fit. If you have contact them again, it will be to inform them that they are either on probation or a banning if you think that's best.

    Either way, I think you should do whatever YOU think you should do to make your other members happy, it isn't like this guy is helping your site at all, he's hurting it, and I doubt anyone would be sorry to see him go.
    HEWHOSHALLNOTBENAMED, Aug 21, 2012
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    Synlah Member

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    Time to whip out Email form # 183; AKA "We don't think this site is right for you. Good luck in your search for a site that better suits your needs. Kaithxbai."
    Synlah, Aug 21, 2012
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    Drae Boxien confiscated my illegal magical war weapons!

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    I had a member exactly like that who also suggested he would make for a better staffer...

    I'm agreeing with saying this:

    You do things our way, or you leave.

    I personally wouldn't fluff the sentence either with, "maybe this site isn't for you", as that means they can stick around and cause you more problems.

    You can also cite him on disrespect - for which warnings should be applied.
    Drae, Aug 21, 2012
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    wynnyelle Member

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    If their way is so great, they can make their own RPG.

    Your site isn't their living room, as they say. Warn them gently but firmly about their misbehaviour and if they give you any more lip, ban them, permanently.
    wynnyelle, Aug 21, 2012
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    wynnyelle Member

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    Especially because he has already demonstrated a lack of understanding of the word 'maybe.'

    Absolutes aren't mean, they're just absolute. He needs absolutes. The site isn't for him.

    ...Oh dear. Seems I double posted, I didn't realise I was. I'd merge my posts or something but do not have those controls here, so please accept my apology.
    wynnyelle, Aug 22, 2012
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    xexes Community Devoted (M)

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    You are annoyed, your players are annoyed, their quality and behavior doesn't match your standards, ... yes, it sounds like they are not right for your game.

    But I just wanted to point out that there is a difference between "discussing" and "arguing", and one has to be careful to see which it is. I'm not saying that you are wrong, but merely that it may not be as severe as you feel it is.
    xexes, Aug 22, 2012
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