An Overlord's Review Shop

Name:Hastur
Site Name:Heiroth
Brief blurb: An open ended high fantasy original forum, with a tolkein-esque flair. Where Dragons live in vast cities carved from rock and Drow in cramped cities of progress and steel. A mix of magic, steampunk and even a little clockwork thrown in for good measure!
Areas of focus?: Just general really
Link me! Http://www.heiroth.net/index.php
Overlord's Offering: I have no offering to give yet, for I am relatively new T_T

(This is a review of Darkness Rises; as requested by @Flame. Fair warning: this one might come off a little harsh, but I usually try to veer toward constructive criticism)

Appearance and Organization:
Wow, this is super girly. Like, really, really girly. This must be a horse site. Yep, totally a horse site. Nothing but images of beautiful ponies galloping through fields set against purple. Kinda looks like every other horse based site I've seen though, nothing really here that stands out from the herd...

wait, it's not a horse site?

So you can probably guess what my biggest issue is with the appearance right off the bat: you don't look like a high fantasy site. You look like a horse Rping site. There's nothing in this appearance that hints towards what your site is supposed to be at all. Most of these images look ripped from "prettyhorsesitegraphics.com." There needs to be some originality here. The basis you've got, that obscure fandom (more on that in a bit), is rather unique. That needs to be brought to the surface. I should know just by clicking in and looking that you are, in fact, a high fantasy site, and not a site wherein people play marvelous stallions galloping through the plains.

I'm also not a huge fan of some of what's in the sideboard, but that's a personal thing. I would advise hiding the statistics until you get a few members though, as it really just emphasizes how empty your site is starting off.

However, I do feel like you're in a good place as far as areas go. It seems like you've got a decent amount, giving people enough places to play without overwhelming them (or creating that ghost town look I hinted at earlier). You've got some room to expand and grow, and that's what we want to see in a site.

It was also fairly easy for me to find everything. I only really had to go hunt down the rules and such (weird that you didn't put your rules in the sideboard). I'll get more into what I found in the next section though.

Why can we see your staff board? That's seriously asking for trouble...

Informational Topics:
Oh boy, these... these need a lot of work. For starters, you've got it set up so people think they need to read the 20+ different threads you've put into your guides. You start off by saying "this is all you need to read" and then almost immediately go "lol, jk, you don't have to read this, some of it is like way too long."

You're admitting that you have info topics that are too long? Those need to be trimmed, immediately. Actually, these seem to be horribly uneven. Some of them (Firecat, lifebond, tech) need to be folded into other, broaders threads instead of being standalone. There's barely enough information in most of those to make a decent aside, let alone an entire thread. On the other hand, some of these are way, way too long, and I'm under the impression that you simply copy and pasted from a wiki. This stuff is boring, and there's no way that anyone's going to want to read through all that. To be wholly honest, I lost interest after reading through the plot and the text wall of rules.

You need to bring forth the more unique aspects of the world and emphasize though. Lackey worked well as a writer because she creates intricate worlds and populates them with characters you can relate to. You don't have the luxury of characters right now, but you need to find a way of bringing forth that unique world. As it stands, there's little to this site that's unique, and it really doesn't stand out from the crowd.

The rules need a severe overhaul. They are presented in giant hunks of text. They need to be broken down; they shouldn't be more than a few sentences, tops. So very much of this can be trimmed or rearranged, as it's you repeating yourself or placing stuff in the rules that really don't need to be there. Also, the format you have for it is not working in your favor. You have it down that you're a literate site... but all your rules are written in lower case letters. I'm not quire sure what the purpose of that was. I'm really not that big of a fan of the setup and styling you have for the rules period, but you are going to drive people away with your text walls and all lower case letters.

Also, and I can't emphasize this enough: You have to credit Lackey for her work. I honestly thought this was an original site for a while. You should be letting people know that you're a canon based site. Whenever you use something that's not yours, you should give credit. Every. Single. Time. This includes your map, which I'm pretty sure isn't yours. You also need to let people know that you're basing your plot and your site off this canon. Really, it's in your advantage to do so.

That's the thing: you're a canon site from a canon I've not seen before. That's one of your biggest strengths, and it's buried. It needs to be brought to the surface. Emphasize that. You should be all "We're a Heralds of Valdemar site!" That's unique, it's different, and we need to know it. I didn't know the series off the start, so it looks to me like you're mass copying and stealing. The author and English professor in me rages.

Staff:
It's a one person show at this stage: Flame. You seem to be pretty well everywhere. It's a little disappointing that you haven't started RPing yet, but I can see that you're starting out. That you've a few characters already is definitely a plus.


Board Strengths:

• New canon that I haven't seen before; this should appeal to fans of that series.
• Organization is pretty solid. It seems pretty hard to get lost.
• Perfect number of boards for a forum that's just starting out.

Board Weaknesses:

• No credit given where credit is due.
• Text walls are everywhere, and they're pretty insurmountable.
• Rules need a complete overhaul; they're awkward, wordy, and ungainly formatted.
• A newbie guide or something to help streamline the info process would greatly help.
• The site graphics are almost misleading. I'm still slightly confused by the horse thing. I saw that your characters have horses... are horse and rider relationships important? Because that should be shown and/or discussed at some point.
• Too many information topics of oddly varying length. They need to be overhauled: the smaller folded and combined while the larger are cut back.
• Site doesn't come off as very unique. I can't see what there is to stand out here yet, and what does is currently heavily buried under layers of other stuff.
• Contradictions abound: this is what you have to read; but not all. We're literate, but we don't punctuate our rules.

Final Thoughts
Your site needs a lot of work. It looks like a half finished project at this point, a rough draft of a site if you will. The structure is solid: the boards are in place and it makes sense. However, what's built upon that isn't likely to hold very well. The informational topics need a complete overhaul, nearly from the ground up. The walls of text need to be trimmed and edited, severely. The rules need revamped. The graphics need to be better personalized.

There's a lot of work to do here. There's that solid core, the canon that's underrepresented and can provide a unique setting for RPers. However, that's currently buried under the rest. You've got your work cut out for you, and I wish you well.

I'm sorry, man, but you gotta give me something. It doesn't take much to go out and review another site, or make a graphic for someone. I'm super flexible when it comes to the whole offering thing (as my previous reviews should show). All I'm asking is that you give something back to the community for what I'm gonna give you here. It'll do you good in the long run, and it's really not that much.

How about I sparked a somewhat lively debate on social apathy? http://rpg-directory.com/threads/social-apathy.44162/

@Overlord_Fate: Yeah I figured the Guides were way to long (Well some of them any ways). On the skin being girly (changing graphics to have a bit more stuff in it besides horses), the theme of the Heralds of Valdemar book's is purple. Nearly every book cover is Purple, and so it was that or blue. Purple's not a color you see often, so I wanted to change it up a bit.

I can see I have a quite a bit of work ahead of me, but thanks for giving me pointers! Thank you.

Ah, see, now that make a little more sense. That's something a fan of the canon would pick up on, and therefore something you should probably go ahead and keep in there (still not as sure about the rampaging stallions, but i think you got it there). Good luck with the site!

*dusts off*
I accidentally let this thing lapse, but it is not reopen and ready for business! Hit me up with the reviews, people!

Name: BoyWonder/admin!Robin
Site Name: SuperFriends
Brief blurb: A unique active Pokemon/Superheroes crossover set in a custom region with its own mythology and own legendaries, not just game based pokemon
Areas of focus?: General (Please note that not all the help documentation is finished fully but would love to know what's thought of what is finished)
Link me! http://superfriendspkmn.com/forum/index.php
Overlord's Offering: http://rpg-directory.com/threads/rings-of-change.46107/#post-478813

Appearance and Organization:
Okay, I totally see the Pokemon. That's actually kind of cool. I mean, the graphic's a little generic, but I'm digging the Pokeball setup. Seems well done for the forum too. Wait, this is a superhero board? Where's the superhero stuff? Well, there's the icons on the forum, so there's that. Wait, is there something in the red...? Let's scroll down... and that's it? Hmm...

The look invokes a light-hearted feel. It's bright, it's colorful, and it hits on the brighter, cheery parts of the shows that are being invoked here. The Ash and Gang pic really meshes well with the idea of the Superfriends, and I'm definitely digging that name. There's a tongue in cheek aspect there that I can certainly get behind.

It's pretty easy to find my way around the forum too. The site is quite compact, almost feeling a little too compact, but I'm not sure that really counts against you. It's one that I'm just too hedgy on to actually make a definite call.

The sidebar feels next to useless though. There are no helpful links there, no cbox, not even a statement of the plot of the site (which is usually put on the forefront of a site). It feels like it was just there because someone thinks that every site should have a sidebar. That thing either needs some more work, or it needs to be removed entirely. {still finding it weird that there's not a cbox on the site at all. I know some sites get on fine without them; I've been on some, but it's such a fixture that it feels odd not seeing it there}

I'm also not a fan with how it feels like everything outnumbers the RP here. The RP section should be the biggest. I know that it technically is; I can see the sub-boards, but they're not out in the open. Instead, there are giant forum descriptions for support and summoning a mod. Neither of those needs a board to their own (I'm not even entirely sure they need a thread of their own). I do understand why the Summoning a Mod one has its own forum, since that's a crucial aspect of the site, but it seems superfluous. That's doubly so when it possesses far and away the largest description of all the boards.

Informational Topics:
It feels unfinished, which, y'know, it's not. There's definitely some work here that I absolutely love and marvel about. the listing of Pokemon based on route? Seems like a lot of detail, and it's that kind of appreciation that people like and want to see.

However, the rest of it obviously needs work. This is a super-hero based site, but I can't find any information based on that. It just feels like you wanted to slap the super hero thing onto the Pokemon site and weren't sure how to do it. There is an explanation in the plot, something about a group of people deciding to take up identities to fight crime, but it doesn't make a whole lot of sense and feels underdeveloped. Why on Earth would people want to be superheros when there's Pokemon running around? There needs to be some reasoning here: a thrust behind the combination. It's such a unique idea and premise that I'm highly intrigued, but it really feels like it's all flash and no substance at this point.

I'm also really not a fan of how the superhero thing is called and introduced. If you're going to call it the Justice League, why not do a full on crossover? Why do this setup instead of creating your own organization? It's been established previously that Pokemon exists in a sort of world parallel to yours. This explanation really doesn't gel well and it doesn't make a lot of sense.

The starter thread is there, and it feels like there was some effort put in there. It would likely be better to put some of the links into the starting thing, and maybe outline stuff for people a little better. Again, it's hard to make too much of a call because it's still in development. There should definitely be a link to the app though; since that's essential.

The rules need work. A lot of work. First, I'm not entirely sure why it is that the site has to be 16+, especially because your graphics and appearance seem to be hinting toward a younger audience. That's more your call, but right now, it feels almost like false advertising. Second, there are rules here that either shouldn't be rules or should be shifted. It seems weird to have a rule about people asking to be staff or mini-mod. It reads almost like you're setting up an authoritative situation here, and almost like you're expecting immature members, which really doesn't gel with the age cap at all. It's like you're torn between appealing to a younger audience or an older one, and the rules and such are showing that. It's technically possible to appeal to both, but you're going to need to put a lot of work into doing it.

Most of these rules could easily be combined though. A rule about respect could get rid of many of these, for example. And again, there's a highly authoritarian position regarding staff that's off-putting. I'm also not sure why the grammar comes and goes.

Staff:
I'm guessing that it's just you, as admin!Robin, seeing as that's the name I'm seeing everywhere. I'm going to reiterate what I just said: you're coming off as highly authoritarian here, and not exactly welcoming. Everything feels condensed, and there's little of you actually shining through anywhere here. I can't get a bead at all, and that concerns me.


Board Strengths:

• This is an extremely interesting premise. I've seen hundreds, upwards of thousands, of sites, and I can't recall ever seeing something that combined this before. With some work, it could be a truly engaging idea that could really take off.
• Where there's some detail, it comes out well. Again, I point toward the route thing, which strikes me as taking some thought and showing attention to detail that's interesting, and something I'd like to see.
• A lot of the essential skeleton is there. There's a newbie guide; there's a setup. It feels like you have at least an idea of where you're going and what you're doing.

Board Weaknesses:

• Rules are a mess; the staff comes off as authoritarian and highly confused about the member base.
• The site's appealing to a younger crowd than it's supposed to be set toward. It's sort of like advertising for cigarettes using cartoon characters, only a lot less cancerous.
• There are superfluous boards that don't need to exist, especially ones that have a larger description than anything else.
• The superhero and Pokemon aesthetics aren't combining as well as they possibly could. The Pokemon graphics, which seem to dominate, are the more childish ones, whereas the comic ones are more adult. Again, there's a feeling of being torn between two age groups here.
• Seems to be lacking important documentation, and I'm not sure if that's due to the incomplete part or an error on the staff's part.
• Obviously things aren't complete at the moment; this is something you are fully aware of.

Final Thoughts
Again: this is a cool idea. It's unique; it's fresh, and it's the kind of thing that I could see people getting interested in. When you're on, you seem to be quite on, and you're obviously taking the steps necessary to make the site succeed (you're here, right?)

However, there's some problems here that I can't help but feel will sink this ship if you try to put her out into waters. First, those rules need a makeover on several levels. Try combining ones. And this will help: decide your target audience. What age group are you trying to appeal to here? You have a rule that states that you have to be 16+, but then you set up guidelines that are directed more toward a more immature RPing group (not to mention the aesthetic). It's going to be way too difficult to balance the two, and I'd recommend going with one or another.

If you want to go more adult: darken your forum. Kick out the Official Pokemon show graphics and find some darker ones. There's a Mewtwo graph/banner used for Remoor which is on this review thread. It scared the crap outta me, and I'm a grown man. I've seen various other more adult oriented Pokemon sites and graphics. They're out there, and you need to let people know from the starting gate that you're going to be more mature. Following that, you need to revamp the rules to treat your members like they're the mature people you're hoping to attract. Let go of some of your staff control issues, and broaden things out.

If you want to go more younger: brighten things. Aim for a cartoon show version of the superheros (the more realistic style is clashing atm). Get rid of the rule regarding the age cap, and reformat the rules to keep a lot of the control, though possibly with a lighter tone. Put together some more guide rails to help people figure out the direction they need to head.

The foundation and the skeleton here are quite strong. There needs to be more work on the body and a better formatting of the site's overall direction though.

Hey! Thanks for the review, I admit rules are my weakspot, its something I struggle to write. As for the Justice League part, it is a true crossover, there are members of that group in the world ((and the Marvel heroes as well)) - maybe it wasn't clear enough in the plot? I'll work on that too.

There is a c-box on the board, its on its own tab called chat, as I'm not a fan of having it on the front page any more ((mainly due to the fact that it seems to kill off activity like no ones business)). There are a lot of roleplay boards that are put into sub-boards, mainly to try and stop the site looking totally dead while it gets on its feet. I plan on eventually moving the most active boards to becoming actual boards on the front page, but I'm trying to avoid 'cluttering' the site with 0 posts boards.

There is a lot of documentation still missing, and I'm working on creating a timeline to give an idea of when events started to occur, and putting up a few more boxes on the sidebar giving a welcome etc.

Name: Averi
Site Name: Stayin' Alive
Brief blurb: Stayin' Alive is a BBC Sherlock play-by-post roleplay set eighteen months after the events of The Reichenbach Fall.
Areas of focus?: A general overview would be nice. Here's a little background: we started out a few months ago and I was very green. We weren't very well organized and we actually banned OCs in a game where OCs were really needed for the game to work well. Between that and perhaps some micromanaging? Everyone's interest and passion dissipated. We've since picked up the pieces and revamped; I spent lots of time here reading articles and opinions on many subjects. We have focused on making the game more appealing, relaxed and friendly; more of a sandbox feel, I suppose like playing 'cops and robbers' in London with more focus on individual stories.
Link me! http://stayinalive.b1.jcink.com/
Overlord's Offering: I've had a lung infection for the last ehh week or two? But I did skin this site for Molione (check out her status update on Oct 6th) and two weeks back I took care of a majority of the open requests that were present in that forum. You can find them in my 'D tracker, they are the last three linked.

Appearance and Organization:
Wow, that's... clinical. This must be one of those forensic crime type---wait, that's a Sherlock Holmes hat, right? Yeah, so this must be a Holmes site. Hmm, well, I guess that... works. let's---okay, another non-traditional layout here. Lemme flail for a bit...

Obviously I'm seeing another nontraditional layout that totally works here. It took me a bit to get oriented, because I'm still mostly flailing when it comes to these things, but I think I more or less managed it. The layout and the look are cool enough, and once I get beyond my initial confusion, I'm pretty well in line with what's going on here.

I'm not entirely sure how "Sherlock" this site really feels to me. It's a good aesthetic, don't get me wrong, and I can see some connections, but it just doesn't immediately link up to me. I want to open a site and be able to immediately identify the site and get the feel. This feels more like a medical forensics type setup, like Bones as opposed to Sherlock. Again: it still looks good, it just feels slightly off.

I'm also a little disappointed in the organization front. There's no newbie guide, and there's going to be some necessary flailing in order to get where I'm going. It took me a bit orient myself, and while anyone who's genuinely interested is going to take the effort, some people are going to be put off by it.

Informational Topics:
Dood, in this, you're definitely excelling. I love the way you have the canon list setup: there's the characters from the show right alongside other roles that would allow for a little more freedom of movement. Plus the table like setups, which had to have been a pain to put together, are pretty snazzy looking. They're just unobtrusive enough to be functional as opposed to flashy, and they're put to good use everywhere (again, I'm not quite feeling the Sherlock vibe from them; they look good and they totally work though).

The rules are pretty well perfect too. You seem to know your audience, which is older fans of the show, well, and the rules reflect some careful thought. There's a nice balance between approachability and control that's evident here as well. Also definitely a fan of opening with respect. There's some rules here that I would place more under a board description (the fluid time situation), but that's really nitpicking at this point. And I love the setup and the consistency of use. Aesthetics used like that are what we should see.

I want to point out that you're not giving people a lot of info about Sherlock as a show. This is perfectly fine if you're just appealing to fans of the show. However, I can't help but feel that a little background information to situate your board would be a good idea.

I'd also recommend a starter's guide or newbie guide, especially because your setup can be daunting to those who aren't used to it.

And here's a note that I find a bit of a sticking point: this feels like a canon board still. The plot seems to be revolving around Sherlock and his friends. I can't see where an OC would fit into the overall plot. Basically, it still feels like the Sherlock show in the wrong ways. This could be fixed by mentioning that there's a void that people are struggling to feel: put emphasis on the rising talents or how there's an influx of other amateurs trying to pick up the cap or something.

Staff:
Moffatiss, Mikayla, and Gabby. I'm seeing more of Moffatiss than anything else, so I'm assuming the others have their duties: I have seen them other places. Bit weird that the admin stuff is listed in the "wanted and banned" list, as that's not where I'd look for them right off, but there you go.


Board Strengths:

• Consistently good use of the aesthetic: it enhances the board without detracting from the content.
• Clear and obvious thought and effort went into the construction of rules and other topics.
• You're aware of your audience (at least, I really hope so): this is a Sherlock board for the mature, older fans of the show. This is consistently portrayed throughout, and really seems to be what you're aiming for.
• Probably the best lists I've seen in some time; still in love with the setup for the canons.

Board Weaknesses:

• Still feels like Sherlock's show; as in I'm not sure where the OCs would fit in, besides being supporting cast for the main narrative and flow.
• The aesthetic, while nice, doesn't really reflect the show as well as I feel it could.
• There's some confusion regarding setup; a guide of some kind would really help there (though I could still more or less find my way around).

Final Thoughts
This is a mature, advanced site for older fans of the Sherlock show. It's clear who your audience is and who you're trying to get. This is remarkably consistent throughout the entire site, and that's very much appreciated.

My only concern is that it feels like you're still constructing a very small sandbox here. I still struggle to see where the OCs and such would fit into the overall story. Perhaps I'm just overlooking things or not seeing it. I'd still recommend bringing that to the forefront and fleshing it out. When you combine that with a newbie/starter guide to help orient, you should be in the good. There's stuff to work with here, and there's obvious effort. It's probably going to take some work to maintain it, but I get the feel like the staff understands that and realizes the balancing act ahead of them.

I'm still open and ready to review, if anyone's interested!

Name: CaliopeMac/The Eye on the site
Site Name: Terra Nova A New Dawn
Brief blurb: In 2149 the world is dying and after finding a rift in time 9 years ago humans have started going back to an alternate Cretaceous period in hopes of survival. These Pilgrims have now been cut off from the future and have to learn to survive on their own with no more future supplies coming. They also have to deal with a group of Corporate Mercenaries who want to strip the world of its resources and are willing to do anything to find a way back to the future. Set after the end of the Terra Nova TV Series.
Areas of focus?: Its a new not officially opened site. Just want to get a general idea about the look and getting started info.
Link me! http://terranovanewdawn.b1.jcink.com/
Overlord's Offering: http://rpg-directory.com/threads/frac-0-3.45952/#post-485386 I have posted this site to be reviewed here