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Writing advice

Blog entry posted by MacB, Jul 22, 2012.

One of the many pieces of invaluable writing advice I've gotten over the years is "when all else fails, write porn."
It's meant, largely as a joke for when you run out of stuff to write about in your story, hit a brick wall with your plot and get lazy.
Surprisingly enough, it really does work, and it has helped me out a ton in the past, in all it's banal glory.

Now, however, I face a whole new problem.The thing is that I can't do art to save my life. I couldn't do a stick figure justice if my undying soul depended on it. My friend on the other hand can do art pretty well, her problem is that she enjoys her smutty story every once in a while, but can never find pairings she likes or writers that're any good at it. I am apparently good at it, to the point where she's been extorting me into writing her fanfiction and smutty ones at that.
We've set up a little black market scheme, in which she arts in exchange for fanfic, and I fanfic in exchange for art.

The system works, but it works a little too well... I've all this crazy desire to write but none of it is actually productive, it's all fanfic, and it's all smut. When I sit down to write it, it all takes too much effort and I get painfully lazy.

What if all else fails in your smut!fic? Write more porn? It's the first time the genius advice is failing me.

Oh yes... all the things you never knew about MacB. I'm a total e-pimp, trading sex for art.
Elenitsa, Ruffian, Jareth and 4 others like this.
MacB

About the Author

Gif-spammer, writer, founding member of the blogger gang, dreamer, Robert Downey Jr. e-impersonator.
  1. Drae
    Someone one recommended to me to browse daily horoscopes and use those as a theme or idea generator. It works strangely enough!

    I also find having two characters whom are both trying to avoid getting into ball of sweat together a good way out of slumps too - I have two characters who are divorced that are often saving my skin in the fun pieces I write for myself to better understand my characters (and to put them through hell!) XD
    Elenitsa likes this.
  2. bohemianRHAPSODY
    When all else fails, have a dead body crash through the ceiling. Unless one of your characters is a necrophiliac, cause that can get not-pretty fast.
    Elenitsa, Meadowlark and MacB like this.
  3. MacB
    Oh god Ruffian, DID YOU GO THROUGH MY UNFINISHED STORIES FOLDER?!

    That's pretty much what happens. Every time.
    Ruffian likes this.
  4. Ruffian
    I'm having a blast imagining like... your entire cohesive story dissolving into porn all of a sudden.

    "The minister was dying. As he lay on the floor, the pizza man came, leering at the crowd. 'Anyone got room for some sausage?' he drawled, hips cocked. Throwing the pizza to a nearby table, he ripped off his delivery shirt as the bass kicked in."
    Antonym, metaphorical and MacB like this.
  5. Meadowlark
    I do something similar to this when I hit a wall. Instead of writing porn, I start killing random characters in the story to see what'll happen though...
    MacB likes this.
  6. Antonym
    whatever odin will judge me most righteous in the end.

    so you've got like what, 'till ragnarok? then you can basically just have the universe. kl?
    Upper Class Twit likes this.
  7. MacB
    Oh, than I have little to worry about, immoral fortune I can marry.
  8. Antonym
    pfft no voldemort is a trifling fool, I would just join the banking sector until all of my humanity burned away and then take you on with my vast, immoral fortune

    BOOYA
  9. MacB
    Horcruxes! Purple horcruxes everywhere! I will find them...
  10. Antonym
    one day I will best you mac

    once I have removed all the parts of my soul which feel
  11. MacB
    Always assume I'm mocking you. If I'm not, I'll tell you when you're laughing your ass off at me and make you feel all awkward. It's a win-win situation for me.
  12. Antonym
    I TAKE YOU LITERALLY. OK. LITERALLY.

    Plus, it's better than if you actually didn't know it and I was like "LOL MAC FUNNY JOKE LIKE YOU'RE THAT STUPID" and you were like "=("
    MacB likes this.
  13. MacB
    Oh god. I can't believe you actually just gave me a definition on cordial... I mean... I know I say I'm dumb and uneducated all the time, but REALLY?

    I JUST FAIL TO SEE WHAT BEING CORDIEL HAS TO DO WITH THE STATE OF YO MOMMA! /cool
    Antonym likes this.
  14. Antonym
    COOL POLITENESS
  15. MacB
    It tastes faintly confused Alex! What is 'cordial'?
  16. MacB
    Is fluff really the opposite of smut? I'd be more inclined to say angst, but then there's angsty smut, so that doesn't work. Or a break-up. But then there's break up smut.
    Maybe fluff is my best bet...
    Elenitsa likes this.
  17. Antonym
    omg mac my mum is actually really nice i can't believe you would-

    BOOM FOILED WE'RE ACTUALLY ONLY CORDIAL

    HOW DOES THAT TASTE MAC

    HOW DOES IT TASTE
  18. ladraove
    On the subject of opposites....fluff. Write all the fluff until your teeth hurt and you simply can't stand to be alive anymore.
    MacB likes this.
  19. MacB
    and yo momma!
  20. Antonym
    so's your face