WOW I HAVEN'T BLOGGED IN A WHILE
A bit ago we had a topic on roleplaying and frandships, and I've been mulling it over super hard since then. And since I'm too lazy to go re-find the topic since I think it got buried after my last post, I'm going to make a blog because you don't tell me what to do, mom.
A few people mentioned in the thread that they would feel used and abused by someone who mainly wanted posts out of them. I made a pretty killer basketball club analogy that I'm going to bring up again:
When you join a basketball club, you are purposefully seeking out people who are interested in basketball, because you want to play basketball with them. Generally, most people aren't going in hopes of finding their new best friend or their soul family or whatever -- you are going to enjoy this hobby you have with like-minded people. There is an implied contract that when you get together, you are going to be playing basketball.
If one person decides to detach from playing basketball, and then whines when you spend more time playing basketball with everyone else instead of indulging that one person in whatever non-basketball activity they want to do, to me that breaks the implied contract, and pretty badly.
Furthermore, I find it presumptuous and even rude that anyone would expect me to just make room for them in my life because we played basketball together in the past. I know you through basketball. I became aware of you through basketball, and then I became friendly with you through basketball. I'm not saying it's impossible to make real friends out of the club, but it's absolutely ludicrous to expect that even though we no longer have basketball together, we are somehow going to remain as involved in each other's lives as we were.
Some people brought up things like -- but we talked! We shared! Our lives intertwined briefly!
That's called being a normal fucking person, and having conversations. Having a conversation with someone doesn't make me their best friend or even their good friend or even their friend, period -- all it does is make me socially well-adjusted enough to not be rude. My lack of rudeness doesn't mean we are better friends than we are, or even that we are friends at all. I am perfectly capable of being well-adjusted to complete strangers even while knowing I will never see them again. Such is the power of being involved in a community.
And I don't understand what the issue is when people mention that they feel they've been used or abused when people just want them for posts -- most personal transactions involve use. I use my friends for companionship or entertainment. I can't think of one friend I don't use for that purpose.
It's still using. So what makes it better? The fact that there's no material exchange? That's stupid. It's still a transaction. I'm still getting something. You're still getting something.
So yeah. That is why I feel that making friends out of the RPing community and then staying friends when you take the RP away is rare -- and why I'm not apologetic for it. It sucks when a person has attached themselves more to one person than the person in question has attached back, but that's a fact of life everywhere and unfortunately, you can't really avoid it.
However, if we met during basketball club and then you stopped attending basketball club but still expect me to put the same amount of time and energy into you? I don't really know what to say.
EDIT: I also find the sentiment that I should be ruthlessly honest with people about not liking them or finding them boring a little unsettling. Answer me honestly: If your grandma is telling you some boring, stupid story about their day, do you seriously sit there and go "Honestly, Grandma, this is boring me to tears so I'm just going to leave"? Because if you do, congratulations on being honest! ... in exchange for being an unlikable, bitter squeeb.
RP Frands = Best Frands Forever!
Blog entry posted by Ruffian, Aug 18, 2012.