:/ I can't seem to make a good plot.

I think something is missing, and it's too short.

I would really appreciate suggestions. :) This is all I have:

Yes, there is something wrong. >< I'm currently trying to edit it.

Oh yes, by the way, I'm Serena Compton. ;lol;

Well first of all, in my opinion it is short yes, but it's also repeating.

Before you start to write a story for your RPG. It's best to write down point by point what should be included in the story. Also try to tell a bit of a background before you really start digging into the story.

Every story should have an intro. This is a first paragraph that captures a persn. This should be interesting, make people wonder what's going to happen next, and make them read on.

Then in the next paragraph, you can go into depth. But still, think about capturing the reader. Don't tell everything at once.

But anyway, I'm not that good in explaining in English. When Andy comes online I'll kick him to see at this topic. He's better at explaining such things and giving tips then me :P

There! That's what I was missing. *slaps really bad brain for not telling her*

Hehe...anyway thanks Shin.

*jumps forward by a kick from the ShinLi* ^_^

ShinLi does have a lot of the main points there already, and it does seem like you need quite a bit more detail there. It would help if, as ShinLi said, brainstorm everything in bullet points, in a good understandable order, then work through part by part.

Good writing is all about keeping the reader interested, don't tell all at once, it's the difference between 'The burning sun made him feel hot' and 'As the sun cast down its watchful eye, beads of sweat began to drip down his forehead, his eyes became weary' - The first sentence states simply the sun makes him hot, wheras the second shows you he is hot.

You must show your reader, get their imagination running wild. Set the scene, develop your characters, and write your plot all in the same way, by showing.

And ShinLi is again right with an intro, it feels out of place and odd if you begin reading something that launches you straight into it. You need about a paragraph that eases the reader into it, but captures them at the same time. This maybe a past event that has some relation to the storyline to follow, it may set the scene, or it may focus on a character.

The last sentence of your plot I can see, should me dramatic, and it would be more dramatic if it were not for the fact you have asked that rhetorical already in a previous paragraph lol. Try to avoid repitition of things that are supposed to be dramatic and impacting, otherwise though, repitition can be a useful tool for suspense etc.

Also, awkward phrases such as 'He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named' and '
You-Know-Who' I realise cannot be helped, but really pull you out of the story and disrupt what could be a good plot. My advice would be, either only using them at the end of a sentence (less disruptive) or replacing them with his name or something similiar like 'The Dark Lord'.

As The ShinLi said, put background in there, put a whole structure to your world before putting a story on it. Once you have quite a bit more you could always stop by my space and get me to rewrite something if you are still not happy.

However, give it ago, post here if you need more ideas. ^_^

Long but good. :yes:


What about this:

All I have. The first paragraph is what I am editing. ><

That is alot better! There are a few minor grammer/spelling errors that could easily be ironed out when looked over, and although there is a definate improvement, I still feel more detail could be added, just keep adjusting it with a new idea each time you have one, try not to fall into the trap of making a superb 1st paragraph and piddling out on the last ones, keep a consistant quality.

Also, the ending although short, is a lot more effective and dramatic, more important rhetorical questions, and a last one that leaves the reader wondering. So you are definately building on it well, keep it up! ^_^

^_^ Thanks Andy, Shin, again! :):

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