Here the plot I guess so far:

'Once upon a time, there was a great kingdom. Known for it's advances in war, machinery, and magic, it was extremely powerful. Everyone was happy and it flourished'

Shame things never work like a fairy tale.

There was only ever one huge nation that covered the whole of the land scape, nothing could stand up to it's pure power. This nation was created fom a nation of good, a nation of light and a nation who found it's slef in the middle of it, bringing themseves together and forming one great nation.

For as long as anyone could remember, within it, three conflicting factions made up the civilisation, one of machines and it's engineers, one of magic and it's mages, and one of force and it's warriors who used brute strength like no other. Each wished for move power and they fought minor battles, but had a great hatred for one another.

They never actually had a true war, too busy building their areas of power, creaintg new thing's to aid them and the great antion as it grew.

After years of this the nation of strength wanted more that it should have. It began attacking the borders, taking them over for it's own uses and needs, gaining more power and strength over the land. The two other great parts of the nations were forced to retaliate, and a great civil war broke out, causing years of blood shed and choas like none had ever seen before.

At the end of the war, the three nations could no longer live in close proximity. Using their magic, the people of magic faction moved themselves across the ocean's to a place of peice, away from the others so they could exscape from the war.

Using the machines, the faction of machinery moved themselves aross the landscape t the far of moutains to a far away new country they created for their new order and way of life so they could live alone with out the conflic of the other factions.

The faction of brute strength remained where it was, in the haert of the lands, continuing to grow and grow move powerful as it burned down lands in the close by area making them their own for their own bidding and uses.

This created the three nations, the nation of machine lover's, the nation of magic and the nation of the brutes.

Over time, they began to repair the broken allience and tried to regain a relationships, this was created by the three rules over the three nations.

But inevitable, one day, a war would break out once more due to another nation trying to gain themself more power so they are the greatest nation in the land.

There is no need for a link if you have posted the plot here. Thank you!

I just put a link in incase people wanted more information about the site so they coudl find places on the site and other such thing's...I should have explained that lol

I think the plot itself is fine, and you've done a good job -- it's interesting, and explanative. It doesn't seem to leave much out. :)

However, to start off with you might want to check the spelling and grammar; I'm sure I noticed a few mistakes in there. Aside from that, I think a little more description and perhaps just better rewording of sentences would do wonders. I’m not really sure how to help, though, as it wouldn’t really be fair for you if we re-wrote it. Here’s a grammatically correct version, though:

Aside from that, I’d just suggest that you expand on things a little—make them seem a little more exciting, give them depth and add in adjectives. Use a thesaurus if you have to! ;)

I’ll give an example, although it’s probably not the best and really is just that, an example, which might hopefully help a little.

This opening could work really well, but I don’t think you’ve enhanced it as much as you could. Perhaps more adjectives and such might help? Something along the lines of:

“Once upon a time there was a great kingdom, well known for its advances in the three most powerful industries of the time; war, machinery, and magic. Being the only kingdom in the area, things worked very well, the kingdom flourished, and the people lived with all the happiness in the world, confident nothing could ever ruin their lifestyles…”

Not exactly what I think you’re aiming for, but something along those lines might work well if you try to work through all the paragraphs and attempt to give them something... extra. What you have now isn’t bad at all, though; I think it’d be perfectly fine to post it without any edits if you’d prefer. :)

Thanks a lot we wil start working on it... I didn't write this by the wya, one of my admin did, just thought I would tell you for I take no credit for the work here.

No problem, and that's okay, haha. It still looks good. ^_^ Let us know how the revision goes and such! ;)

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