I have a half sister. Yeah, a lot of people have those but mostly don't want to call them that, so they simply call them their 'sister'. My half-sister is 5 or 6 years older than me. My half-brother is about 8 or 9 years older. They are siblings on my father's side. As a kid, I didn't regard either of them as my half or whatever, they were my best friends who came to visit every other weekend. I played Barbies with 'Sandra'* and play-wrestled with 'Bob'*. I loved them as much as a girl would love 'full' siblings.

Our detachment started when my parents divorced, but we were all still pretty close. My sister and I helped each other face the horror of my father's girlfriend's children (the youngest having mental diseases that made it hard for us to be near her without her throwing a fit) and also shared secrets and ranted to each other about our dad loving 'Bob' more than both of us (or at least acting like it). Even though I was 10 and she was 14/15, she talked to me as if I were her age.

Fast forward about four years. Sandra's 19. I'm older and now live about 3 hours away from her (I still visit often). She works at the Sonic and, all of a sudden, she meets this guy. Well, she doesn't inform me of him until I notice a ring on her finger (which is odd considering normally, she'd tell me all about him the moment he talked to her for the first time). His name is 'Jason'*. The first time I meet Jason, I know we aren't going to get along by the tone of his supposedly 'playful' jaunts at my figure/chest, the way he talks to me like I'm not even close to being related to his girlfriend, and the fun little game of 'lets throw the ice cubes down Lena's chest', which isn't very fun at all. At the begining of their courtship (after I figured out she was getting married), 'Sandra' asks me to be her bridesmaid along with Jason's mentally retarded sister. I'm fine with that because she's sort-of nice and about my age.

Fast forward to about a month before the wedding. I've tried to talk to her several times during all this, but she still won't tell me anything about the wedding. I think I should know at least about the dresses since I'm going to be a bridesmaid, but she simply changes the subject when I try and bring it up. She invites me to visit her the night before the wedding's 'practice run' and dinner (which I am subtly informed that I'm not invited to) for a 'siblings bowling night'. Since bowling used to be Bob, Sandra, and I's favorite thing to do together when we had a choice, I said okay and drove the three hours there.

I won't diverge too much into detail, but that night was horrid. Sandra did not inform me that this 'sibling night' would involve all of Jason's siblings including a jerk named 'Kyle'* who also finds the apparently much talked about game (mentioned above, and it is not the bowling) a lot more fun than the bowling. Bob, having not known about this little game, decides he is gonna to mess Kyle and Jason up. Sandra stops him but Bob almost goes off again when Kyle messes with Bob and Sandra's 13-year-old half brother (Sandra and Bob's mother had a child with another kid). Near the end of the night, I'm talking to Sandra and I ask her again about the bridesmaid thing. This time, it is just us two and there's no way she can get out of it. She quietly mentions that there is one bridesmaid and one maiden of honor. When I politely ask who it is, she tells me it is 'Linda'*, Kyle and Jason's mentally retarded sister. I was fine to share the covetted spot of bridesmaid with her. . .But that really hit me hard. Sandra and I had always been best friends and this just cut me. I understood who the maiden of honor was (the girl who introduced Sandra and Jason) but I didn't see how she could simply cut me from the wedding.

But I go anyway. Everything is fine except for the strange stares I get from Jason's parents when I want to be in the pictures. They are like 'wedding party only' and so I say 'I'm Sandra's sister, she said I could be in the pictures.' And the next sentence still haunts me. They looked at each other, completely confused and said 'Sandra didn't tell us she had a sister.' It was as if the girl who had played Barbies and gotten me Heracules merchandise during my Disney phase (which in my family, lasts a long time. . My dad has a Mickey tattoo and, though living in a state far from Florida, has been to Disney World 84 times. By the time I was 13, I had been there 14) Bob helps me make an escape to the bathrooms so that I don't start to cry and ruin Sandra's wedding. My only solace is that the bridesmaid dresses are ugly as frigging heck.

Now let us fast forward once again (there's only one last fast forward after this, don't worry) to about three or four months since the wedding. I haven't seen Sandra since and that sort-of worries me until one day, I get a phone call from her. She informs me that she just figured out she was pregnant! I was so happy for her and she seemed to be happy too. She had always been the more maternal of the two of us, not having many asperations besides housewife-dom. I do not talk to Jason. In the next few months, Sandra is unable to come to my place four times (3 because of James and once because the baby is due soon).

Finally, the thing I'm mainly irked about. Here's our last fast forward: Yesterday. I've been worried sick since Saturday when Sandra's baby is supposedly due. I've been trying to call but her cell doesn't work and no one answers their calls. I have not personally seen my sister at all since the wedding. I tried to see her during the pregnancy, but has had all offers rejected. I call Dad that night, asking him to call me with info on Sandra because I can't get an answer from anyone else. I go to sleep soon after, wake up, and worry some more because my sister hasn't called yet.My life hasn't been perfect, but it could be a bit better. I've recently been diagnosed with a intestinal disease (my mom and dad have it too, so I wasn't really surprised), I've been stalked by a creepy-looking Junior, and I made a less-than-likably role in the Newbies to Theatre play. Today hadn't been very eventful. I had rehersals, guitar, and all that junk. About thirty minutes ago, the cell phone rings. I hurry to pick it up and there he is, my dad. I ask for info about Sandra and I am told that Bob travelled from New York City yesterday and I inquire why. Turns out, Sandra's mother had informed everyone, including her ex-husband who she despises (dad) and her son (Bob) that Sandra was having the kid. Considering how I've been expecting to be able to leave school in a fever, expecting to see my sister, I was deeply disappointed.

I know that there's war and suffering and death and that it's stupid to be so irritated just because of one little phone call that went undone. . . But the fact that my sister hasn't included me in her life for so long and how we went from talking on the phone every other day to not seeing each other at all for a year has left me perplexed and amazingly self-pitying. I'm worried for my sister (Thank God, she's okay and so is the baby boy) . . . Am I incredibly stupid for being pissed? Is she just growing up (she's about 20)?


*Not real name

Okay, firstly I'd like to say that I loved the whole "not real name" part.

Now, down to business.

I find it very sad that your sister hasn't included you in much of this stuff, especially since you thought that the two of you were so close until all of this happened. I think that you're partially right about her growing up, but I also think that she's dealing with something else. What, I do not know. However, I'm 21 and I know that (personally) I wouldn't completely dismiss someone just because he/she was a few years younger than me. Especially if it was a sibling. So I'd bet money that it's something else besides the growing up that made her "forget" about you. Maybe she's insecure about something. I don't know.

Whatever it is, it doesn't make up for the way she's been treating you. It sounds like she hasn't been ignoring you but avoiding you--and that's not cool. And to be honest, I'm trying to figure out if it's her or if it's her husband. I know a lot of insecure jerks who like to control their wives/girlfriends.

Have you tried emailing your sister? Maybe emailing would be more effective because she doesn't have to respond to it right then and there unlike a phone call. (And thus it's harder to get out of an email.)

That said, it sounds like you have a fantastic older brother. He sounds very sweet, especially when comforting you at the wedding and protecting you from the a-holes at the sibling party. Have you tried talking with him?

And on a lighter note, this made me LOL:

I don't think you're stupid for being pissed. I'd be pissed, and horribly hurt. That is just wrong. Cutting someone out of your life like that without any explanation is one of the most horrible things you could do to a person.

I agree with Dec. Send her an e-mail (if you can) and see how that goes. She could very well be insecure. A lot of women tend to get a little crazy when they first get married. Especially if they have a kid/get pregnant almost right after. It is a lot to deal with and adjust too.

On another note. That game does not sound like a very good one. My friend's sister had a husband who liked to do crap like that with me and her sisters. He didn't turn out to be a very upstanding fella. >< Things like that aren't cool, especially with your girlfriend/wife's younger sister. It's wrong... and, I feel terrible for saying this, it could be part of reason why she is avoiding you, because of that attention.

Either way, I'm all upset for you now. That has to be a crappycrappy thing you're going through, especially with ties like sisterhood, I've gone through similar things with friends, but never with anyone who is supposed to be as close to you as a sister.

Oh Hell. Honey, be pissed. Sorry, I would be and I'm kinda getting that vibe from my little sister (she's my half sister too) lately. I would be angry, too. It seems like she's cutting you from her entire life. I would say something to her. I would leave a not so nice message on her cell phone telling her how you feel. If she doesn't care enough, then put the guilt on. She's hurt you far more then you telling her off could ever feel. No one should ever do that to their sibling, half or not.

That's... awful. I'm so sorry.

Everyone above made terrific points. But if she's cutting you out of her life... that's her loss. It sounds like you've done every†hing you can to a caring and supportive friend and sibling, while she's hurt you time and time again. I mean, if someone hasn't the balls to let you know you've been cut from the wedding without being interrogated... *fumes*

This may seem harsh, but from what I've just read, I'd advise you to give up on her. Her priorities are clearly not with the people they ought to be with, and there's no sense in wasting your time and affection on someone who not only neglects you, but uses you. She hasn't "grown up." Hell, anything but.

I agree with Dec that you should write her an e-mail or a letter. Lay out how much she's hurt you. There's no need to be cruel, or vindictive, or plaintive. Just show her what she's been doing, and then walk away. The ball will be in her court.

=(

This sounds like something out of a novel, not real life. I am so sorry.

I wouldn't give up, but send her an email explaining how you feel about being left out of her life. If she doesn't respond or explain..perhaps you should put her out of your mind and move on with your own life until she can sort out hers.

-hug-

Wow, that's really low of her.

I agree in that it sounds like she's trying to avoid you and cut you out of your life. Maybe she's insecure about having a half-sister who's younger than her, maybe her husband is being an ass about it, I don't know, but it does sound that something isn't right.

I have four younger siblings; a brother and sister who are 3 and 6 years younger than me, and a half-sister and half-brother who are 15 and 17 years younger than me. The little ones are no less my brother and sister than the older ones.

That really is a sucky situation and I'm sorry you have to deal with it :( At least your brother sounds to be a great guy.