Ok so I got a member on the board, well used to have the member on the board. So she joins, makes an app, and I accept it. She asks me to rp with her, and I do. And while we are at least a day, or two into the rp, she ups, and leaves. She claims that the board was too 'advanced' for her. Now I admit that she was a little bit short when it came to rps, but she wasn't hopeless with a little bit more practice she would have been good. I'm just pissed off that she left over such a stupid reason. I didn't mind having her on the board, and neither did anyone else. :rawr:

Some people let their insecurity get the best of them. If you can, try to talk to her. She may have thought that she was screwing up all the time and just getting on your nerves. I know I tend to overthink things in that direction alot.

Yeah, she may have thought that you and the rest of the members didn't want her around because she couldn't write threads as long as you could? I think you should just chat to her, and let you know that you're completely fine with the length of her posts. ^^ As long as you are, of course...

If the title of your rant is any hint as to your attitude, perhaps, um, she wasn't totally off-base feeling slighted.

It's only a theory based on little evidence, of course....

She didn't say that she thought the member was dumb before the member acted in such a manner. :/

I think said member was just using it as an excuse to stop RPing there. I wouldn't worry too much about it even though it is very frustrating.

Thanks everyone. I think I'll try, and talk to her. I think she has AIM, and I don't think she just wanted to stop rping there. She's been on a few times after she said she was going to leave, even if it was only for a second. So that makes me think she's still attached a bit. And SmathNa I didn't think she was dumb untill after she decided to up, and leave. December, Esq is right.

Have you never joined a game and thought, 'oh ****!' Because suddenly you realise that this game is actually full of members that are posting and interacting with one another in ways you are unfamiliar with? You struggle to grasp how they do it and feel, honestly, inferior because they can do so many awesome things and they're pinging ideas around like whoa, and you're left in the dust thinking. '...'

That would certainly intimidate me and hey, maybe they're worried that now they're here, it'll be more hard work than fun. I gotta tell you, sometimes playing with people who you think are much better than you can be really disheartening.

o_0

*headdesk*

Reading Panda's post, I realized that I read the original post wrong. (One word off, and yet so wrong . . .) I thought that the girl said that she was too advanced for the site.

Ah, what a fool I am! I shall read more carefully in the future.

So change in plans. Let her know that she wasn't weighing down the board and that she's more than welcome to come back to play with you guys. Everyone needs to improve, and playing with more advanced people is a good way to do so.

:sweat:

Since when did I say I thought I was much better than anyone. Just because I can write long posts does't make me a good role player, and just because her posts come up a bit short doesn't mean she is bad. People tend to not see this and obviously your one of them. Once again, I had no problem with the way she posted but obviously she did.

*Dident read all posts, but got the giffy of it*

Maybe it was an exsuce? I joined a site a while ago, adn ever since my posting has been dooooown a lot, because i dont feel very welcomed. i mean like.. they all roleplay with serten people and keep plots with serten people. Maybe she/he felt said unwelcomed becuase of that? and coudlent seem to fit in?

You didn't, but I didn't imply that you did either.

Let's go over this in plain English:

I did not say that you thought you were better than her. Let me break it down for you because I think the many uses of 'you' got lost, somehow, in translation.

Sometimes playing with people THEY think are much better than THEM can be really disheartening. This, in conjunction with the rest of my post, points to the fact that maybe, just maybe this player is disheartened/intimidated by thinking that these people are better at the RPG gig than they are.

let me throw in an example for good measure.

I join a game (hypothetically) and I am of a certain ability. Intermediate, shall we say, for the sake of argument. The game content is good, easy to get into, the admin is nice and welcoming. I look at a couple of threads and assume I have the whole picture. I join, I'm accepted. I start roleplaying.

Once I am in this environment I get a much better idea of what the game is like. So I play, I realise that these guys do things differently to me. They are pulling out aces every time, nailing plot ideas, getting really involved with one another but I'm struggling because they are zooming ahead of me with their awesomeness and I am stuck trying to crank out a single thread that doesn't come off as completely lame. While it shouldn't, this just became a competition. I want to be better, I want to keep up but it's hard. Every post I make that I think is better than my last is topped by someone else. I feel like I will never get there and that I am in it up to my neck. The players are not mean to me but they doing what they do best is just too much for me to work with.

So I leave because it feels like this casual country-walker is trying to climb Ben Nevis.

</example>

This does in no way suggest that you, the gamer owner or your players are playing the snobbery card. because that would be out of context for the whole post I previous wrote, wouldn't it?

Please read more carefully before jumping down my throat.

I apologise for getting all up in your face about this, but there is no reason for someone to feel disheartened,or intimidated. And roleplaying isn't a competion, and I honestly feel bad for people who go onto boards, and think "I have to do something amazing to impress the people on the board." No one can get the hang of boards quickly. I know I can't. But I don't leave because people aren't impressed with my rping, or because I feel I need to be better, or because someone writes better posts than me. I find it stupid that someone would leave a board for those reasons that you stated. Which is why I am mad at this member. Just like December, Esq, the only way to get better to stay on the board, and roleplay with these so called "better roleplayers than you." But I guess some people just don't have the gut to do that. I didn't get better by geting all intimidated by people, and stop roleplaying ona board. I thought it was dumb that she let her own Insecurities get to her, when no one obviously had a problem with her at all.

And for sunny pie, my board is kind of new so we really don't have any plots going on, and me, and this member that left were the first people to post an rp thread on my board. If the Admin of the board is willing to rp with you, then I don't understand how someone can feel unwelcomed? o.O But as I have said I'm going to try, and talk to her and convince her to come back. If she doesn't well then I guess she can just go a drown in her low self esteem.

If someone thought I was dumb for those reasons, then I wouldn't want to go back to playing there and as an admin if I was irritated by a member's free choice to leave because they thought they were in it too deep, I wouldn't then badger them about it. That makes you look bad. From your attitude, I'd say your complete absence of sympathy or even an attempt to grasp (really grasp) why they're doing it and deal with it makes your chances incredibly low of getting them back. Call me a potential member: I'm really put off by your approach. 'I'm gonna try but if not, whatever. She can go drown'. Just because you have one set of attitudes toward roleplaying, doesn't mean they share them and they should not be ostracised by you because of that. They left, they didn't troll.

Move on. Use what players you have and focus on whatever your personal goals are for the game instead of umming and erring over a single player's decision to not stick with your game. Their reasons, whatever they are, are not dumb to them.

I wasn't badgering anyone, I haven't even talked to this member yet, honestly I don't even think I can, since she seems to have no Aim, or MSN. I am going to show her sympathy. If a member leaves because they feel left out on a board, or something, woudln't it make me an even worse Admin to not see to this person and his, or her needs. There is no harm in talking to someone, and asking them why?I've had tones of Admin ask me why I have left boards, I have never felt put off by it. Of course you would want to know why. It's only natural. And if this why, was something that could be fixed wouldn't you try to fix it. I'm not just doing this because she left but to aslo make the board better. If she was feeling a bit disheartened, or intimidated by us on the board, there was no need is all, since none of us had problems. Sometimes members need a bit of reasureance, and boost of confidence.

Honestly I think of my self as a worse Admin if I don't see to this. If I ask her, and tell her it was ok, and that no one had a problem with her, and she still doesn't want to come back. Then I'll leave her alone, and won't push the issue any further. Of course I'm not going to say to her what I have been saying here, and be all "it was dumb that you left because of that." Of course not, even though I do think it is dumb. If she wants to let her insecurities get to her than she can, even though someone is obviously telling her that she was perfectly fine, and trying to up her confidence a bit. I don't think I'm showing any lack of sympathy by doing this. There are A LOT of Admins that don't give a crap about their members, I'm more put off by those types of Admins.

I must say, I agree with Panda on this.

If your attitude here is any indication, then it's no wonder the member left. Calling someone dumb for leaving an RP is just...well....dumb. Some people just lose interest, some people's RL comes into play, etc. And if it's rl, I doubt they'll want to spill what's going on in their lives because the admin of some board they joined asked. They'll ignore your e-mail, in that case, and then, if you ask again and again, it's badgering.

As an admin of a new site, I can tell you I know how frustrating it is to lose a new member....but sometimes you have to just sit there and deal with it. Send her an e-mail not asking why she left, but an adminly e-mail, mentioning that you noticed she had not posted in a while, that your site misses her, and if your rules state that after so-many days without posting, their profiles will be deleted, then tell her that as well.

If she comes back, she comes back. If not, then move on and up your advertising. Join a topsite or two, you have no idea how valuable those are to getting new members...*hugs her three topsite lists she joined*

First: Let me say again--I do not think this member is dumb-I think the reason for leaving the board is dumb; maybe "dumb" is the wrong word to use...but it is what I used. I could have used "silly"

Second: I've not contacted this member yet...so I'm not badgiring nor have I badgered anyone. Im ranting; I'm talking it out; I'm trying to figure out what I can do differently thats what the "Rant time" board is for.

Third: If and when I contact her--my approach will be NOT CONDECENDING in any way. Why would I be mean!? What would that get me, and my board!? I want to make it better for me and its members. Why would I approach someone so negatively and with "attitude"....that is not my goal.

Forth: I understand that this member felt out of place--all I'm saying is that she could have said somthing; reached out to someone--and not give up. I was role playing with her; I never discouragged her; We have all been there, and I have not forgotten this.

Fifth: This member that left may be younger; a beginner---I would not want to discorrage her from trying

Final Point: My message to her will be: 1. You were doing well; 2. I'm sorry you left; 3. Come back if you want to continue. Good Luck.

If she wants to reply than ok, if not I'll leave it as it is. I will not Badger her in anyway. Need I remind everyone that she posted in the news, and updates board saying, "I can't roleplay here anymore the board is to advanced for me I might come back if I get better." Now I'm not sure if this was true or, not, and I am certainly not trying to get anything out of her, if she doesn't want to say anything, then she doesn't want to. I understand that if might be RL stuff and, that she probably lost interest. Once again I'm not going to push the issue. Just send her a firendly email, and thats it.

My input is probably not needed; Panda seems to have covered everything. I think you are looking at this situation wrong. While in some cases it is nice to know why a member has left in an admin POV but just for a moment pretend you are this member.

You've left this site because the people around you are impressive and can write rings around what you are doing, and although others may not think your writing is bad, you do... You see yourself as the under-dog. Would you really want to be in this situation? Don't think as an admin, maybe not even in as a rpg. Imagine you're in a classroom or work place and your class/work mates have got all these amazing ideas, they are getting A grades or bonuses while you are still at C/B level, you aren't doing badly, you aren't failing but you are still not at their level. They are coming up with ideas you can't even being to imagine.

How would you feel as a person? Not as an admin? Would you really like to feel that way? This member left because the feeling of being inferior was too much to handle... That doesn't make him/her stupid, it makes them human, no one wants to be in a situation they can't handle. Maybe she could have improved with time...

But then again, would you really see the point in staying on in a place where you constantly have to work?? Remember RPG is something we do in our free time, I personally wouldn't want to be on a site where I am constantly struggling to put a post together, it would make me feel stupid and like I was weighing down a board and not doing anything for the members on it. Would you stay in that situation? Would you seriously and honestly want to be in a place where you felt you stressing over something that is supposed to be fun?

You can try emailing her or talking over IM with her, but what difference is going to make? Why bring her back into a situation that was obviously upsetting her? I believe you that you were welcoming and that your members liked her and all that and she may have known that, but she didn't think she way bringing anything to you... She probably thought she was doing you all a favour by ‘upping and leaving’.

But even if you were welcoming you have still come on here to say she is dumb... And every one of your posts you seem bewildered by her decision to leave, I personally think it is clear why she left, maybe do as I say... Look at it through her eyes...

Maybe join a site out of your comfort zone and see what it feels like if you don't know... But it has nothing to do with:

And it is a good thing to keep in mind that not everyone is the same, while you, your self may have waded through and kept your head high and not felt intimidated, not everyone can do that.

Once again I understand. I know that she was struggling, and I know that she probably won't come back. And I'm not going to try, and convince her to come back. But there is no harm in letting someone else know that they weren't a burden to a board even if, they thought they were. Which is what I am going to do. Of course I am not going to do it so direct. I'm going to follow what Brandy said, send her and Adminly Email, and if she comes back she comes back. If she doesn't she doesn't. l do hope that she doesn't feel so intimidated if she does come back.

I'm getting the sense LaResistance gets the point, guys. Haha, don't need to keep pounding this into the ground! I don't think it is required to keep getting fustrated about this. LaResistance was just annoyed, and was probably so annoyed, the 'Dumb Members Grrrs' was just an outcome of it. As LaResistance has stated, it wasn't intentional to say dumb, it was just out of frustration.

I do feel your pain, LaResistance. If you are the Administrator of this site, though, I think you need to let it go. ((I think having to make it all dramatic of 'being the underdog' 'how would YOU feel?' is a bit much, however. The person was uncomfortable, but she isn't going to be all depressed about this.)) This person must have not realized how good you are, and even though you think she was just as good, maybe a bit shorter, the person might have become insecure of their role playing. When I first joined advanced sites, I knew that everyone was better than me. Even when I got told that I was just as good, I knew that I wasn't. If you want to get in touch with this person, go ahead, I suppose. But I will admit - contacting the person may sound like you are desperate for members.
I have had people just pick up and walk off while we are in a rp. I ended up shrugging, thinking Their loss, and making a new rp with someone else.