GOD DAM IT

Okay so I’m in the wrong with my girlfriend because I dislike drugs and have some trust issues which are fully understandable.

About 2 year ago, my girlfriend got with one of her mates for a few seconds then released that it was wrong and stopped so I’m told. The original story she told me was the fact her mate was really drunk and kissed her and she pushed him off and he said a lot of sorry about the whole thing and for quite some time he was rather scarred of me because he thought I was going to kick his head in.

Seeing as it was a drunken once and it wasn’t my girlfriend doing the kissing, I just had a firm word with her and met the lad and told him there nothing to worry about but if he did anything like that again, well a few nasty things would happen. Me being unaware of the full scene before hand I acted rather lightly about it all and that was that.

About a year ago she told me everything because one of her friends found out and she didn’t want me hearing from another person. I had a bit of a fit of rage about the whole manner seeing as she had lied to me about it, so how was I to know how far it really went and even the first time she told me, it took about 3 weeks for her to say anything. I also hate the fact, she had that much trouble telling me she got off with someone, image if she slept with someone, would she ever bloody well breath a word about it? How the hell do I know.

I told her if she ever did anything that ever again, we would be over and I wouldn’t be so kind to the other party. It was a bit late by then to take my revenge upon the bastard so that was that.

So there’s my trust issue. I often think she limit the details to make things seem not as bad as they really are, so how am I to know what really happens.

So my girlfriend went to a festival with some of my friends and smoked some weed on a number of occasions. In truth I wasn’t to pleased but there was little I could do about it, so I kept my silences like I often do, so I didn’t upset her while she was there and she did tell me she hadn’t really had any effect on her.

Last night I had mates over, one who was with her at the festival. The pair were chatting about the whole trip, laughing and such yet forgetting to think about the fact they had choose to leave out the details about how she was freaking about and such due to paranoia from the weed while in a in a crowd of 50,000 plus people who mostly would have been out of their faces too. Oh so I was so happy about the matter, for again she only told me because someone else forced the topic out.

She claims that she didn’t want to upset me, yet she doesn’t ever think of the bigger picture. The fact that by withholding information, my trust grows less and less seeing as I’m unaware of what really happened and this happens with a lot of things, such as nights out, college, all sorts. She just doesn’t tell me anything, it pissing me off to no ends at times.

So I said that I HATE drugs and I HATED her taking them and not telling me the full story. Now I’m the one in the wrong, this morning she won’t ever look at me. God sakes, I would like to see how she would feel if I decided not to tell her for example if I went out, got hammer to the point I was vomiting everywhere, with only one person close at hand who I knew, who at the time wasn’t there or something and just told her I went for a few quite drinks. Lessens the trust me thinks.

It anyone gunna be bitchy about this to me, be warned I’m not in the mood and this is a rant, so don’t worsen my mood.

Ugh, she sounds like a sad and confused gf. I mean...I've cheated on my bf ONCE, and I told him almost immediately afterwards - the entire story. Yeah it sucked, but I think that in order for the air to be cleared in matters like this, the whole truth needs to be told, or that trust will be gone forever.

She's obviously scared of losing you, she wouldn't be holding back as much as she is/was if she wasn't. She sounds like the type of girl who thinks that 'ignorance' is better than 'truth'. I think try to (without too much rage) explain to her that what she is doing with herself, and what she is doing to you, is hurting the both of you as a couple. It was probably hard for her to tell you that it happened in the first place - cheating isn't something that's ever taken lightly.

The drug thing...doesn't give me much hope for you as a couple either. If you hate them, and she insists on taking them...you have to find some sort of middle ground. Same goes for the going out and the lying.

I don't know, but I'd think the best option right now is to tell her to change her ways. If she doesn't, I can easily see you guys not working out. It's not worth being in a relationship that isn't 'easy' to be in. Perhaps break it off, tell her she can come back if she ever decides to change (and grow up a little!)

Thanks for the input. The rage has settled down a bit now.

She's a good girl but like you said, she worries to much about loosing me, so she holds stuff back even if it’s minor at times, yet it doesn’t help. In truth if she’s going to do something so terrible that we would break up over it, she just shouldn’t do it.

I just find it so strange how to did the weed for she’s normally against it herself. I’m gunna speak to her tonight about the matter and hopefully get it all sorted out. I still feel I’m in the right here, but we will have to see.

If it doesn't work out, I'm available.

I'm cute, charming, honest, funny and cuddly. That's right, cuddly.

Nah, I'm just kidding.

It sounds like you two really need to have a good sit down and talk. Make her understand how her lies and half-truths are effecting you and the relationship as a whole. Tell her if you don't want to lose her either but that, if it has to come to that, it will but only because she can't tell you the truth about major things.

I hope things will work out for you two in the end. And if it really ends up not working out, I hope the heartache is minimal.

Yeeeah jay jay you little abnormal child you, really gotta sit her down and have a nice long chat with her. She seems to possess a bit of a self destructive behavior pattern...with all the lying and cheating and pot. You really gotta get her as far from drugs as possible. That's just not good.

Man for some reason Dr Phil is in my head now "Are you sorry about what you did or are you sorry you got caught?" ARGH! bloody reruns! Someone needs to kick that man outta the TV world! Oprah! Please get rid of him!

Anyways, you gotta put your foot down and say this all is not okay, really just go through all the trust issues and hell, if need be, make a speech about how drugs are bad for you. I hope it'll get better for you two.