I'm just guessing most of the members here may not completely realize the extent of what I'm talking about because you haven't been there with your own children yet only 'cause I assume that most are in high school and don't have children, but you never know. Anyway I went out with my daughter today, my grandmother, step-grandfather and we went to a restaurant to see my mother, step-father and my step-uncle (whose come on to me many times when I was fourteen AND touched me in a bad spot once), anyway that's only partially relevant. On the way home my daughter told me she had to go potty. Now understand that she just turned three years old twenty days ago. We stopped at a Jewel-Osco a few blocks from my house, and we took her in so she could use the bathroom. Well, she seems to like her potty chair a LOT more than regular toilets, and told me she suddenly didn't want to go potty, and I kept telling her this was her absolute last chance until we went home and that she'd have to hold it when we went home, and she seemed like she understood because there was just no arguing. She did NOOOOT want to go.

Ok whatever. So we came home and I went to get her out of her carseat and realized that not only was she soaked but her carseat was soaked too >.< So on the way inside I tried explaining to her that when she has to go and she has a chance, she needs to GO, and I put her on the potty training seat and she didn't have to go... imagine... but it's worth a try. So I took her off everyone said their good-byes because gramma and grampa don't live with me, but my boyfriend's mother does. Which sucks.

But anyway she went up with her grandmother (boyfriend's mother >.<) and came down stairs not too long afterward (go figure) saying she needed to go to the bathroom so she went and then went upstairs. She came back downstairs about five seconds later wanting a treat, which she hadn't exactly earned because she went potty in the car. I didn't know what she was back down for and asked her and then her lovely grandmother chimes in with "She wants her M&M" and so I explained to Kira that because she went potty in the car she hadn't earned the M&M, and her grandmother starts arguing how "accidents are alright". Ok I thought an accident was "Oops, I was too into playing and forgot to go" not "I had a chance to go, and chose not to and went to the bathroom in the car instead, because of the choice I made."

Am I missing something here? Or was I correct in my thought process? >.< 'Cause that irritates the @#($U*@)(#$*@)(#$@)#($@ out of me.

I agree with your thought process there. You gave her a chance to go. Though her using the car as her oversized toilet was an accident on her part, it was an unacceptable sort of accident because it could have been easily avoided.
When I turned three, I had actually refused to potty train for the longest time. So at least you're lucky that she attempts to use the toilet. My parents told me that if I didn't learn to use the toilet, I'd have to change my own diapers. xD So I changed my own diapers rather than learning. Up until I was about three and a half.

In my experience, young children don't do well with delayed consequences. They live very much for "now" and have a hard time connecting acts that happened in the past with repercussions that happen after other events have occurred.


I agree with you that you don't want to reward inappropriate behavior. However, that is probably not how your daughter sees it. You say she usually gets M&Ms for using the toilet correctly. Alright, so she had an accident in the car. You obviously didn't give her M&Ms right after that happened. Later, she used the toilet correctly and you didn't give her the M&Ms. She used the toilet correctly- she doesn't understand why she's not getting the M&Ms. All she understands now is that no matter where she goes, she doesn't get M&Ms; no M&Ms for going in the car and no M&Ms for going in the toilet. What motivation does she have for going in the toilet now?


Once kids get older and have developed complex reasoning skills this becomes less of an issue. But for the young ones, good things should be rewarded when they happen, and likewise inappropriate behavior should be punished immediately after it occurs.

And that's my two cents. :)

I don't know anything about children . . . but I saw one wet herself the other day. :p I was standing outside of the bookstore and she crouched down and peed through her panties and her dress. Haha. At least the family was considerate enough to clean it up.

I think I should get spayed. *does not do well with kids*

My parents got me potty trained as soon as I could walk. Think it was 'cause I was already providing good arguments and reasoning about things and a situation like the one you described would have resulted in a long lecture from me about why I should have got the M&Ms. xD

Akala - I think you were right in your thinking, she had a chance and she didn't go.