I'd really appreciate any advice anyone can give on this, or any experiences you might have had with this particular type of RPer. What do you do with a member who is emotionally draining, demands your attention and throws temper tantrums when he/she doesn't get it?

I have a specific member, for the purpose of this thread let's call him X. From what I know of him he is a young teenager, but I still don't think this excuses any immature behaviour. He joined my site a few months ago and applied with a Sith character. Now I was always (and now moreso) iffy about Sith characters. There has been a huge influx of young men especially applying for this type of character, I think it especially appeals to them, and as a result I have to be very careful who I accept, as they tend to throw any Independent based board off balance. Anyway, I didn't see any major problem with his application, it was well detailed and it was obvious he'd put a lot of time and effort into it. I accepted it but did tell him that we would have to discuss certain issues about the general uberness of his Sith, as I didn't think it was conducive to any of the storylines to have a character that just could not die. Every character needs weaknesses, otherwise his RP would be stilted and anyone who came across his character would either be killed or have to flee, because there is no point in battling with a character that cannot die or be injured. He agreed and I was pleased.

Then it started. Random OOC remarks about how terrible his life was and PMs to me complaining. I kept my distance as I've learned the hard way it isn't a good idea to involve myself, as the Admin, in a member's personal issues. Even if I did think he had genuine depression I don't think it's my place to be his shoulder to cry on. I didn't know him. There are very few people I've RPed with that I would consider actual "friends" and an even fewer amount I would ever consider opening up to. I suppose I just didn't understand him and put it down to a need for attention.

Things progressively got worse. He would start a thread, open to anyone but the content would automatically exclude 95% of the board. A mere twelve hours later X would post again in the same thread with comments like "WTF does nobody want to rp in this place!?" and I'd have to step in and tell him that his post made it nearly impossible for anyone else to join in, and besides, it had only been twelve hours. Give people a chance. He didn't listen to me and continued to start new thread after new thread. In the OOC forum he would post his opinions about anything and everything, and believed that as the only Sith Lord on the board at that time, his opinion counted for more than any other. I told him that while I appreciate his opinion, it certainly isn't more important than any other member's. Eventually all of the members took to ignoring him, and eventually his original claim that nobody wanted to RP with him came to be true.

My Moderator eventually offered to RP with him, as he felt sorry for me and the constant stream of PM complaints and barbed OOC comments. And so he made the first post, left totally open to X's character. He never responded, instead a pissing test over "who was more powerful" ensued in the discussions thread. I think it was that point we all gave up on him.

He left and a couple of months of general peace fell. We had something of a re-launch at SWE with a global event that got everyone involved. With an influx of new members we were getting down to some really excellent RPing, and developing a really close, friendly and tight-knit community. Then X turned up earlier this week. He PMed me some convoluted tale of woe, to which my reply was monosyllabic. Since his departure we have had a couple more Sith characters, all of which are writing extremely well and I'm totally pleased with. But he claims that since he had the original Sith character of the board, it is his right to take up the reigns of the (pretty much non-existant in this timeline) Sith Empire, and basically should be allowed to godmode his character's way to victory. I of course fundamentally disagree with this and have told him as much. He doesn't seem to understand me at all and continues to PM me, alternating from stories of his cat that ran away and how "school makes him want to die" to odd claims of his character's supremacy.

Now the fact remains that this time around, I won't be letting him away with anything. If his character pulls any stunts the thread will be shut down and if he breaks any rules he will be booted. The thing is though, I don't think he's really stupid enough to do that. If he ever made a comment he shouldn't have, or was rude to anyone, it was always pointed out to him and he always readily apologised. What I want to know is, what would you do? Is X just a misunderstood young man with problems, or is he someone who could single-handedly bring down the morale of a board?

Thanks for reading!

Ban that boy's butt! Ban him from everything on your site!
I had a problem with a similar type of person, but she wasn't nearly bad as that. I kept her around, but this boy needs to go. He is obviously wanting to disrupt your forum, through IC and OOC. I've role played with young teenaged guys on Star Wars forums, and you have to remember that they are normally immature. Sure, you get your handful of the uberly awesome boys who role play like crazy. But, through personal experience, I would say that this could just be immaturity. On the other hand, I believe a lot of his actions are on purpose.
To conclude, he doesn't have a place on your site at all, therefore ask/tell him to leave in a good Admin fashion, and make sure you lock the door on his way out!

X has absolutely no right to claim that his character should be able to just pick up where he left off- or barely left off, really, because he wasn't giving people much to play with, and when people tried to play with him he promptly ignored the effort, which I would find more than annoying.

If you take the fact that the era does not really call for more than one or two Sith characters (and there are not supposed to BE more than two Sith at a time) and that you have players who are properly playing their Sith characters (having a Sith character who cannot die is a big Stu quality), then you have more than enough right to justify doing whatever you need to in order to deal with this player. Since he's obviously causing more harm than good by, for example, leaving and then coming back just to whine, I would say you would be justified in giving him a firm official warning. If he doesn't get better then you have the right to kick him out of the game.

...I would, however, take into consideration that I personally tend to be a little harsher with these kind of players, because I've dealt with them so many times, but what I'm saying basically sounds like what you need to do. I recently had to deal with a person who was not a member of a role play board but a board for writers (Creative Muse Society) where he would basically come to our site just to use the chat room, and he would break rules and just be annoying. We gave him more than enough time to get better, we tried suspending him for a week, and it did nothing. So we finally banned him from the forum. There were a number of people who were fed up with his behavior (and the fact that he'd posted things for critique but didn't critique in return, which broke a major rule), so it was a relief when he was finally banned. He was thirteen years old, but by the end we weren't willing to be more lenient to him because of his age.

Bottom line? I would watch this player really carefully. If he pulls any more crap, then based on everything you described as well as anything else he pulls, you are more than justified in doing whatever you have to to get rid of him, even if it means banning him for good. He's causing frustration to your players (i.e. the one who offered to RP with him), and he's being more of a nuisance than a joy. My guess is that it could be behavioral/mental issues, but that, along with a person's age, can't always be an excuse for not taking action in cases like this.

I hope all of this makes sense. XD

Also, all of this was written without having seen the reply above me, but....it's basically agreeing with what I said, so whatever. XD I also agree with the belief that this guy's behavior is both based on immaturity as well as doing things on purpose. With the example I gave before, it got to the point where it was really obvious that the thirteen year old was only coming to my board so that he could get into the chat room. When that happened, it was enough to irritate me and finally ban him.

Get his IP adderssee from old posts or, if he just created a new account, his current account and ban that. Ban his e-mail, too. No admin deserves to be treated this way and it's totaly understandable and reasonable to ban someone in this sitiuation. I had a member on my old site who thought she was amazing, godmodded, wrote posts that were too short, was totaly unbelievable, used anime face claims when we told her mutiple timesw no anime, and things like that. Now, I'm best friends with her sister and part of me felt bad for banning the IP and e-mail and so her sister couldn't join the board but she understood that it was necessary.

Just do it. It sounds like if you don't, that he very well may slowly rip your board to shreads and no one wants that! For the sake of your sanity ande your board, ban his sorry bum!

First off I can NOT STAND people who go all emo online. Literally 95% of the people I talk to and deal with online all have some sort of problem after problem and I simply do not believe them anymore, as harsh and cold hearted as it sounds. So if you're dealing with him more lightly than you'd like due to pity, simply don't fall for it.

Honestly, not to sound like some moaning wench, but in the real world having your cat run off and hating school is a walk in the park. Wait until you have a job, school, a significant other [which can be much like children] and bills to pay. I hate teenagers nowadays -.- But I digress....

What I would do personally would cease being more or less easy on him. If he does nothing but complain, I'd tell him to start searching for another board more fitting to his needs. If he complains about real life, suggest to him that instead of talking to an [presumably] unqualified professional such as yourself to go seek help from those who ARE qualified.

Also, the members simply ignoring him doesn't help any either. Not that you can do much about that, of course, but it seems to be just adding fuel to the fire/giving him a reason to go all emo on your ass. Then again, I'm also the type of member where, if a fellow member pulled stunts like that, I'd tell him to stfu, quite frankly.

Cheers lads, you've just reaffirmed things for me. I've been thinking from one extreme to the other about this issue. In one sense I thought I was being too soft, and genuinely believed that nobody should have to put up with that crap, and on the other I thought it would be too harsh to ask him to leave just because he bugs me, doesn't listen and isn't a productive member of the board.

I'd tend to agree. I had another member at the beginning who was similar, although much worse. He cried ADHD or some other issue when he was chewed out for posting seriously inappropriate things. I banned him and subsequently every IP he used, because shortly afterward he reappeared and posted porn in the guest friendly affiliates board. That certainly was done on purpose, and I do believe that member X is doing what he is doing on purpose too. I think he's just trying to push me and see how far he can get until he gets his own way.

This little fact has been a total bone of contention for me. We now have two Sith characters and a Dark Jedi with possible Sith aspirations. As far as I'm concerned that is more than enough and have put a halt on any further Sith applications. Their writers so far have been doing a great job and I'm more than happy to leave it at that. As a result I think I'd be very cautious letting him run amok with his previous (and as you say Stu-ish) character again.

Hogwarts Unleashed, there seems to be a huge influx of writers who just won't listen to reason. Like your example, X seems to be made of the same stuff. Won't listen, does things his own way anyway. Thankfully though I'm not in the position you were in, as far as I know nobody else on the board is remotely connected to him. I think if that was the case I'd have to think more seriously about the issue.

stars may collide, I too am sick of the emo "I will emotionally masturbate on you now" RPers around. It's difficult to put up with. Even RPers I love RPing with, and have written many many threads with, seem to have this "oh no I hate my life outside of RP" mentality, and never seem to stop broadcasting their various, petty issues to the general public. God forbid YOU ever have a problem and need someone to listen to you, because you just won't get it.

Though I've never allowed myself to be drawn into a personal discussion with him of any kind I think I will be taking the advice here and informing him to speak to someone who is qualified, and to find a board that suits his particular needs. There are many SW boards out there dedicated only to Force users and allow all of those lovely one liners, uber users and powerplaying. Thankfully I have no interest in those.

I say ban him, as well. He's just causing problems.

At the very least, block his PMs, so that you're not so bothered.

I agree with what everyone said about banning him. I've been on forums in the past where we've had similar problems with moderators leaving for reasons of unending woe, and then coming back a few days later and demanding their old place back. On top of the fact that he's clearly not an asset to your forum, he doesn't have the right to take the part of a Sith lord. Whichever his problem, he's disturbing your forum and deserves to be banned.

Count my vote in the ban column. Your rule about not getting involved in players' personal lives is a very wise one. That you feel sorry for him is to your credit, but look at it this way. Even if his tale is true (which it may or may not be), I don't think letting him play on your board will help him or be healthy for him. It's just enabling his bad behavior, which is rarely, if ever, a good idea. If he really is in that much emotional and psychological turmoil, then his time and energy would be better spent getting professional help, not indulging his pathologies in an online game.

If he starts acting out again, I suggest sending him a polite note to the effect that his personal issues are spilling over into the game to the detriment of all concerned (including him). As a result, you are putting him on leave for X much time (I recommend at least 2-3 months) so he can get his life in order. Depending how hard he's leaned on the cry of depression, you might suggest he get professional help, but that's a judgment call I can't make from this remove. Inform him that this is non-negotiable, then ban him and block his email, gag his YM/AIM, etc. for the indicated time.

I would have banned him when he showed back up with that kind of inclination. I wouldn't have allowed myself to carry on a conversation with him and just gave my reason for banning him and left it at that.

Coming from someone with several mental and psychological issues, probably not too different from this fella'- You need to crack down on him. I recently had an incident, where... Well, I should have been dealt with at the first sign. One day, I just impulsively lost it, and ended up spilling my guts, in some 20 paragraphs of absolute insanity. I deeply regret having allowed that to happen, and I returned to deliver an apology for every single thing I did that was out of line, in heavy detail. (The bitter responses I received before they realized I wasn't staying, weren't pretty, but I expected that.) Since then, I feel I've learned to better manage my anger and personal issues, but I could have skipped the outburst, and ended with the same result, if the staff had been harder on me.

Don't be soft. I ,personally, would give him one more chance though. But before that, be direct, and let him know that his attitude and level of maturity is not acceptable for the environment you are trying to create. His character is unacceptable, and he cannot continue acting the way he does. Explain exactly why it's all a problem. And make sure he knows that if it continues, he will be banned without remorse. It might even help him to better himself as a whole.

If he resists in any way, or even tries to defend his case, you may as well ban him right there, though, because that shows he still thinks what he did was acceptable, and he doesn't plan to change.

A bad home environment or not, he needs to understand that he can't just come in and disrupt everything, first time, second time, five hundredth time. It doesn't matter. He just can't do that. Now sometimes people act like that and then come back and think they can get away with stuff and learn from their mistakes. However, he also needs to understand that just because he had the original character doesn't mean Jack Squat what so ever.

That's neither here nor there. Your site's plot has gone on without him, and that's just tough luck, Mr. Man, you're S.O.L., now aren't you? What I would probably do personally is let him stay, but keep an extremely short chain on him. If he does ANYTHING out of place, I would ban him so fast it would make his head spin.

I'm with most of the people here in saying that I think you should ban him. It's not just what he's doing and done, but it's also the fact that I've seen this before. I've seen it in a nearly 40 year old woman on one of my old RP boards. She would come on, complain to me on messenger (I knew her before she joined my board), then basically make one Mary Sue after another on my board.

I think the difference was, and what you may need to fear if you keep this guy around, is that she would get on and allow anyone playing with her to play Mary and Gary along with her, where most people wouldn't tolerate it. Her threads almost commanded them to be perfect or get out, and many would, even though they're characters were otherwise good characters when they weren't with her and hers. It was an epidemic. She would command the OOC board and take over any of the threads there, and though a lot of people minded, they were too scared to say anything. She wasn't outright breaking the rules, so aside from stepping in a few times, I didn't do much. When I tried to explain the problems I had with her character, she either didn't understand or acted like she didn't understand, and continued on. I eventually banned her, but she was so wound into the board by that time, that the board didn't last long after that.

I know it's not the same, but where you have one immature player, you're likely to find more, and banning together and almost taking over the board, well, I've seen it on more than just my board. A lot of these players are nearly sociopaths in the way they call to others. So I say you nip in the bud now before he does find a sympathetic ear and maybe more.

If something gets to that point, and a member is that troublesome I usually ask of people one question: How much is he contributing vs. How much trouble he's causing. If he is causing much more trouble than he is worth, which is what it sounds like in this case, ban him.