1. Thou shalt not beep in anger . Because Panda will only take her sweet, sweet time, just to piss you off and possibly make you even later. If you beep at me again, I will get out, and I will open your car door and you will be politely told to shove your horn up your backside.

2. Thou shalt not cut me up on a roundabouts. The lines are very clear. In fact, they've very recently been re-painted near the M42, so I do not expect, when I am pulling into what should be my designated lane, for you to leap out in front of me.

3. Thou shalt leave a two second gap. Because I am so tired, you in the white van, of glancing into my rear-view mirror and seeing your windsheild instead of your numberplate. I will brake, you will crash, and I will sue you.

4. Thou shalt acknowledge big blue police signs. You are not allowed to turn left at the junction on Homer Road. They have extended the corner of the pavement to make it difficult enough for those of us turning where we should be. This suggests it would be a bad idea to reverse out into the junction so you can get around the corner.

5. Thou shalt park between the lines. This is especially important in a parking lot where it digitally counts cars in and out. When you and your Range Rover park over two spaces, it means there is technically one extra space in the parking lot, but no one can park in it, becauseyou'reparkedonafreakingline!

6. Thou shalt not undertake me on the motorway. The M42 is riddled with speed cameras that take your average speed. I am in the middle lane, going the speed limit. 77 isn't fast enough? Fine, but don't overtake me on the left hand side because I can't guarantee I'll see you. My car is designed to take most of the damage in an accident so that I will live. Is yours?

7. Thou shalt indicate at roundabouts. Especially important at busy junctions. Yes I know that the majority of traffic goes left. Yes I realise that it's only a short distance and it might not feel like it's worth it, but if you don't indicate, then I can only assume you're going straight on. This makes Panda late.

8. Thou shalt use headlights properly. No flashing me because I'm not going as fast as you'd like. I will brake. No using your full-beams to make up for your one headlight not quite working. This also means turning off full beam when you can clearly see me coming along the other side of the road.

9. Thou shalt stop at traffic lights. Amazingly enough they're not just pretty to look at! They also serve a function.

10. Thou shalt not park in a disabled space without a badge Just because it's closer to the pub doesn't mean you can park in it for your convenience. No badgey? No parky!

And all Panda's people said: Amen.


Funny story!


One day at college, Spenna's boyfriend discovered that half the commuter parking lot was taken for professors and construction vehicles, the top of the parking garage was closed off, and naturally, every place he could park without getting a ticket (he's in Spenna's car, mind you) was taken. So he waited around for a while until a place next to the curb opened up and did a little parallel parking, after which he went to class. When he returned, he discovered that two cars had parked veryveryvery close to him...as in, six inches of space on each end. Spenna had to go to work, so he needed to get out right away. So what does he do...? He takes off his shirt, wraps it around the back bumper, and proceeds to put the car in Reverse.

...May I remind you, this is in Spenna's '96 Camry, without her knowledge...

Behind him are two Ford trucks, one old and one new, and a Mercedes-Benz. He presses on the gas, nice and gently, until he feels the car bump into the old Ford truck behind him. He then presses on the gas harder. Spenna's car starts complaining but it manages to push the old Ford truck into the new Ford truck. And then he presses the gas pedal even harder. At this point Spenna's car is complaining, very loudly, that it was not made for this sort of work...but he keeps going anyways. After a brief struggle the new Ford truck finally moves backwards...so hard that the back of the truck goes over the Mercedes-Benz, crushes the car grille, knocks of the hood ornament, and leaves a jagged dent all the way to the windshield.

Spenna's boyfriend turns off the car and goes to retrieve his shirt. It is only while he is examining the damage to the other cars that he realizes a policeman has been watching him the entire time.

Naturally, he nearly wets himself because he thinks he is going to get an astronomical fine. The policeman walks over and starts yelling at him...but then he looks at the cars. "You know, son, I was going give you a massive fine, but it looks like these cars were parked over the lines, so...I'll just let you go this time. But don't do it again." And the policeman proceeds to write very expensive tickets for the other three cars. The old Ford was undamaged, the new Ford had minor damage, and the Mercedes-Benz (a professor's car) had to be towed. Spenna's little Camry pushed nearly five tons... and didn't even get a dent.

Moral of the story?

Park between the lines.

And here I was thinking it was just me!!

I agree with 1, 2, 3, 7, 8, 9 and 10.

I've only just got out of my two-year probation from passing my test, but I'm still such a nerovus driver that I just despise getting in the car. I do, out of necessity, and because I paid for my little runabout, but the idiots on the road.....
GAH!

My mum actually warned both me and my sister when we started driving to watch out for the other idiots on the road, because even though they've passed their test, their driving will be ten times worse than yours. And I can quite understand where she's coming from now.

Back in April, I was nearly involved in my first serious car crash. I pulled out at a roundabout as there was these people in the right-hand lane, not indicating to come off, and since I only wanted to go down the next turning, I thought it was safe to drive. But no. Nearly as soon as I pulled out and was on the main roundabout, traffic all about me, this stupid little sports jobbie pulled straight out in front of me to go down the turning, no indicators, wrong position in the road, and I had to brake and swerve to avoid him. Thank God there was nobody too close to me at that moment.

The other thing that pisses me off is the horn. What is the purpose of it, actually? I don't understand. When you beep at me in anger, it just makes me frustrated. My car is old, so it stalls easily. I'm not as confident as you like to think when it comes to roundabouts, particularly after my near-miss. Give me a break, okay?! So what, you're driving a big, eff off white van. Stop trying to creep up my arse and scare the living Bejeezus out of me because you've got a bigger car. It won't work unless I come face to face with you.

The other thing that really pisses me off is just my luck. You just know that if I go through the speed camera at a dubious 33mph, it'll catch me (luckily, it hasn't done yet) but if someone else were to do it, it wouldn't even bother to go off. WHY?!?!
And this is typical of my luck; I was pulled over by the police during my first week of university FOR GOING TOO SLOW. I was on a dual carriageway, lost, at 3 o'clock in the morning in a totally unfamiliar area. I think it was quite safe enough to go at 35-40 in that instance, right? Apparently, no. I'm just glad the policeman didn't ask me to step out of the car since I was barefoot after having just come back from a foam party in Oxford.

Indicators are my pet peeve. My step-dad's awful with this, but I make sure that whatever I'm doing, I always, always indicate. Drivers aren't mindreaders; how are we supposed to know where you want to go? Guess??


[/rant]

I so agree with #1, especially on the premise that I am the dreaded race known as the STUDENT DRIVER. Honestly, people see those signs on a car and it seems like the first thing that pops into their mind is 'oh, let's be completely and utterly beligerent and tailgate the damned student driver on their permit exam, honking their horn occasionally, which leads to said student driver being handed a road rage pamphlet and being told that there are some salutes that are NOT done in an automobile.

And for the roundabout, the ones near where I live our wicked complicated with three ways to get onto Maine Street depending on where you're going. It doesn't help that people from the area go way over the speed limit in that area and and the people from out of state get off at the wrong exit point and completely screw up the flow of traffic (like they pull up into the curbside parking where cars can either turn LEFT or go straight and try to go right, then get all pissed off when they can't go any further because there's a parked car in the way, then try to merge in with the people going straight and end up making the right anyways.

As for parking.....I HATE it. I'll parallel any day of the week, but there's no way in hell that you're going to see me happily pull into a parking space. Half of the time because the cars are wicked crooked/outside the lines and I even had one ass double-park my car that I was taking my permit test in because we were taking a break to stretch our legs/go to the bathroom and we were so inconsiderate and took the parking spot.

Honestly, if it wasn't for my mother begging me to get my license, I don't think I would ever get behind the wheel of a car...EVER.

I am a competent driver XD My mother has always told me to trust no one. I had more to say but I am being distracted by my German learning program so I say 'aww poor Panda! Your spelling has gone down the drain my dear :p' and leave!

o.O

There are more important things at stake than me bleedin' spelling! Like Panda's nerves ready to explode if one more person tries to turn left at a straight-on only junction.

I swears I don't have road-rage.

Ahem.

Roundabouts. What were the Europians thinking?

Exactly! That and the whole going the speed limit thing! Which has been happening to me...a lot. Firstly, the speed limit in a school zone is 15 people! I will NOT speed up when my father is in the car next to me just because you're in a rush and the police have been known to jump out of random driveways and catch you. You will NOT cut over into a lane of oncoming traffic to pass me because I am going the said fifteen miles per hour because I will not be responsible for the actions of my left hand if it goes out the window if you do. The actions of said right hand which just happen to get Cassie into trouble more often than not. Even though Cassie does find it funny when she sees said people who pass her in a school zone up ahead pulled over by a cop for speeding.

That and those damned people who decide that the second a parking lot gets empty, they are going to go and do EFFING DOUGHNUTS in it! I'm sorry, some people who are trying to get their license actually go into parking lots around nine thirty at night when they are practically empty to practice actually parking. It doesn't help said person when they end up having to dodge around a car/cars that have decided to turn the effing parking lot into their own personal race track.

Oh, and the whole learning to yield thing really needs to happen with some people. If I'm in the car coming down Maine Street and you're merging onto Maine Street from Park Row, I HAVE THE RIGHT OF WAY! That big yellow triangle sign with the words YIELD on it? Yeah, that's for you. Okay, let's remember people: yellow triangle with a word that begins with yellow on it = you yield to oncoming traffic. You WILL NOT cut in front of me, causing me to slam on my breaks so I don't ram into your car. That portion of Maine St. is a hill to being with and difficult enough to break on without you jumping out in front of me. And I shall not be happy if I lose my permit because you jumped out in front of my car without giving me enough time to slow down.

ahh, hilarious. i should do one of these XD

Panda, I agree with every single one of those! Plus, I'd like to add one:

11. Cyclists shalt wear hi-vis vests and have lights that work This way, you will be seen by the Sharpie driving the nice silver car with the dented bonnet and headlights on before she has to swerve violently into the other lane in order to avoid you. In order to help cars to not have to do this, you shall also not cycle right in the middle of the lane. Especially when going up hills.

Spenna, that was freakin' hilarious! Wish I'd seen it.

Catalyst would like to add that cyclists aren't the only ones who need to wear reflective clothing. Those dumb enough to walk on a shoulder barely a foot wide, walking their dogs no less, need to wear reflectors and not all black. Or better yet, walk your dog on a sidewalk. Or better still, walk farther away from the road. Best yet, don't walk there at all.